A TBI thought of the day...

[phil espinoza]

I think that one of the reasons TBI is so hard to get used to is the fact that everyday is so different in terms of how you feel....you know?  Some days I feel "dizzy" then other days I feel more "tired"....then other days my attention is less than my big nose....and so forth.....
  Some days I talk to myself, especially in the morning.....My new cat (Cookie) meows at me then I talk to her!!!  Anyone else reading this talk to themself especially in the morning?
  Anyway, it could be worst for all of us, you know!  Just think if we were just a bunch of "Turkeys".....Not a good thing this time of year...right???  But man, do they taste good!  Can't wait!  Bye all!  Have a great day!  Phil

[phil espinoza]

HI NATE....YEA.....I THINK THAT SOME OF MY ISSUES ARE THAT I SOMETIMES PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING.....AND REALLY, DOES IT REALLY MATTER?  I MEAN, PEOPLE "LOOK"...THAT'S HUMAN NATURE...RIGHT?  MYSELF, I'M GONNA FIX MY HAIR ALITTLE TODAY.....PROBABLY DYE MY BEARD AND MUSTACHE A LITTLE.....AND DO "SOMETHING" FOR "ME"......YOU KNOW?  I THINK IT'S TIME TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE, IF ANYTHING HAPPY WITH MYSELF....I MEAN, LOOK AT ARNOLD SWARTZANEGGAR...(BAD SPELLING)....HE CAME BACK AS THE "TERMINATOR".......AND ONE OF HIS GREAT LINES WAS..."i'LL BE BACK"....AND NOW...HE'S BACK AS THE "GOV" OF CALIFORNIA.....

[Nate]

not to mention the different levels of acceptance from different people, it is so hard to adapt and has taken me years and I am still not where I want to be

[phil espinoza]

I do agree with you on some points Claudio.....Points taken.....Thanks -Phil

[Claudio]

ADD is just another one of the bs illnesses that helps other take you money...if it works for you then do it and its sounds like you are having fun with it and its cool to play with life but it was that that got you to where you are now...STOP PLAYING WITH LIFE....ive hit lots of stops on ths ride so far and im still going...i like to go back and think about cavemen who didnt have any of this stuff, indians, middle ages, pre industrial revolution...we havent changed that much what has changed is the stuff you put inside you...the food, the pill, the drugs, etc...that shit is killing you.  look i dont know your situation but  just from what i do know from what ive read...i think youve been sold a path by someone else and you are going to continue on it until you either figure out its not for you or you end up dead and probably the second one will happend since you take the medicine that keeps you accepting....watch some movies, listen to some music, sit alone for 5 minutes in a chair with perfect posture without any medication in your body...have you not taken it one morning to see what happens...then two, then three, then a week...it doesnt sound like you are working so i think you have the chance to change but YOU HAVE TO WANT TO...U HAVE TO DEFINE

[phil espinoza]

What do you mean, letting go?  Letting go of what? People in this generation....during this period of history HAVE to do "whatever" is necessary to make themselves feel better....Regardless, if it is medication.....I take "whatever" in order to help me wake up "every Morning" in a way that enables me to handle "dizziness" whatever way possible.   I agree that "detox" is sometimes a necessary practice in any form of drug dependence...but seriously man - I take my medication not only to help me with waking, but my symptoms are closley associated with ADD.  Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.....which basically is like waking up, extremely tired, balance problems....which feels like your walking on a moving ship......And "because of my medication" I am able to function (not perfectly, but better than without)......I know that certain medications are easy to become addicted to.....that is a fact......But any medication which helps to let's say, take a person out of a feeling like they're in a deep fog.....which is what I was like a year ago or so......so no way man, some medications do some wonderful things especially for people dealing with Traumatic Brain Injury.....which is probably the most complex internal organ in our whole universe.......so, If I go around worrying about whether a medication is bad or good.....that is unnecessary "valuable time spent" on possibly delaying a tremendous improvement in our daily "TBI existence.  We have to be will to "take a chance" AND TRY " WHATEVER MAY MAKE US MORE NORMAL IN OUR BODY AND MIND......I joke....But I am happy in my "crazy life".....Anything is worth taking a chance - like any new medication - in order to feel better and be happier....Anyway, my cat is my friend also....She "thinks" she "IS" a dog!!! Arf!!! : )

[Claudio]

Your kitty wont help you if you are in trouble...atleast get a rescue dog if you must have a pet but personally i think you need to rid yourself of everything until you are well enough...i'm beating on a guitar these days...no clue how to play but sometimes something nice comes out...the thing is that you have to sorta find what works for you...i hate that you take medicine but i wouldn't want to recommend you not too...the unfortunate truth is that the longer you take it the more you need it...detox is one heck of a mofo experience but not impossible....clarity comes from you and not from a pill.  i get dizzy, my head hurts, i dont sleep, my insides have been shifting around for years and i have loads of weirdness all over my body but...A BODY IS STRONG...A BODY HAS SO MUCH GOING ON ALL THE TIME...A BODY IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN ANYONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND...and people still spend money trying since they want to fix everyone....LET IT ALL GO....i was talking to my friend in texas today...i havent spoke to him in 6 years, he is not an injured man but he is a friend of mine and when he said he's getting old i said drink some red wine since i read about the health benefits of the seeds in red grape...i dont drink but since he does i asked why not red wine instead of white, he told me that his body freaks and he breaks out when he drinks it...i recommended that he push that since its funny how things that hurt are actually the things that help you...i said drink it till you almost die since on the other side is when you will live...he liked that and agreed...life isnt easy and being safe is not the way to grow...fuck society its all wrong

[Inez]

Man do I get dizzy.... sometimes it's worse then a amusement park ride, cheaper and lasts longer.

[phil espinoza]

I GUESS IT IS BECAUSE IN OUR SOCIETY.....THAT IS IN THE WORLD....PEOPLE REACT FUNNY WHEN THEY HEAR SOMEONE TALKING TO THEMSELVES....YOU KNOW?  SO I GUESS SOME OF MY THOUGHT OF IT IS DUE TO WHAT I HAVE HEARD OF PEOPLE THAT TALK TO THEMSELVES......BUT ANYWAY, MY KITTY DOES NOT SEEM TO MIND......WELL, THEN AGAIN, I DO TAKE A MED TO WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING AND GIVE ME ENERGY AND VILIGENCE...SO I DO GET INTO THE ACT OF SPEAKING MUCH......BUT, IT WAS JUST A SOMEWHAT "FUNNY" ADDITION I THOUGHT I WOULD PUT IN......CAUSE REALLY, I THINK TALKING GIVES ME A SENSE OF BEING IN SOME FORM OF "REALITY" IN MY STRANGE WAKING PROCESS.....ANYWAY JUST THOUGHT I'D THROW THAT IN.  WELL ACTUALLY, I USE TO PLAY GUITAR-SING AND EVEN DID SOME KARAOKE SHOWS FOR ABOUT 10 YEARS.......I LOVED TO SING....PLAY GUITAR...ETC....I'M DEAF IN MY LEFT EAR, (FROM MY ATV CRASH) SO I GUESS I LIKE TO HEAR MYSELF IN THE MORNING SINCE I TEND TO HEAR BETTER IN THE MORNING.....ANYWAY, TAKE CARE CLAUDIO...AND THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE!  PHIL : )

[Claudio]

I talk to myself all the time Phil, mostly because over the years i've learned that most people don't have the stones to hear.  Strength comes from inside...so they say...so why wouldn't you talk to yourself if that is where your strength comes from???