hi Denise...i dont come here as often as I should.  I even forget I am a member until I get am email message stating I have a comment here and then I remember I am a member here.  I get very distracted and when something distracts me, I forget what I was previouslt doing...Itwould be great to have a friend..thank you for sending me a message!  email me....

Thank you so much for your sweet comment!  Hope all is good for you today!  

Denise~  It  takes  awhile  to   find   various  profiles,  and  when  I   found  yours,  I  was amazed  at   the   beautiful   customizing  that  you  have   done...  I  wish  I  knew  how  to  do  that  too....  but   truly  my     heart   goes  out  to  you  in  your   situation,    I  know   what  you  mean,  but  i  am   lucky  to  not  show  tbi  much...

Reality check here: with all that said about anger motivating me to do things, it can't do everything. My speech still sucks. I sound kind of drunk all the time and I have a hell of a time talking on the phone. If I get the least bit upset, which still happens much to frequently, I can hardly talk at all. My right shoulder still doesn't work very well. I can't run, or even walk to fast, my gum's still hurt like hell, I still have trouble sleeping, and I get the occasional headache that will knock your socks off. I can't get a job. I'm totally dependent on Uncle Sam for money. All of that makes me extremely mad but there is not I can do about it...which makes me even more mad.

Yeah anger is a real tricky one. It can either motivate you to do, or at least try to do, something that you could do pre-TBI but haven't been able to do post-TBI, or it can just make you so...F!@#$%^ mad that you can't think straight and you end up making things worse for yourself. I've had both outcomes. I've gotten so mad at things that I've either broken them, or gotten myself in a worse situation than I was in before I got mad. Then that made even madder. Do you see the problem here?

On the other hand, I've used anger to motivate myself to do positive things. I was so f!@#$%^ mad that I had to use a walker, that I couldn't live on my own, that I couldn't ride a bike, that I couldn't work in a winery, and the list goes on, that I tried and tried and tried and tried to do things until I could do them...a little better at least (I did end up in the hospital a couple times with broken bones but just ignore that for now). There was a good chance I'd have to live in a nursing home. There was a good chance I'd always need a walker or a cane or something in order to walk (I can't run). That made me extremely mad. But...it also motivated me to do whatever I needed to do so that I could do those things or wouldn't need to use those things. I failed so many times trying things before I got them right, It's a wonder I didn't go insane (at least I don't think I went insane). I was so f!@#$%^ mad at certain people, it motivated me to write "TBI Hell." Well that, and I was bored out of my skull. I learned that you can't be afraid of failure, because you will fail...a lot before you get something right. I sure did.

I think anger has got to be the most common issue with TBI sufferer's. How can it not be? One's life has been totally altered, and none of it in a positive way. I haven't really figured out a way to not get angry, except to avoid situations that have a good chance of really pissing-me-off. I can still get extremely, I mean extremely mad at the smallest thing. Fortunately, I can't really physically do anything to hurt someone, or something.

Anger tired me out. I was mad all the time, so I was tired all the time, so I made mistakes all the time, so then I was mad all the time... After about 10 or 11 years of being pissed off, I just decided, "Aww it's to much work to be so pissed-off all the time." I'm not nearly as pissed-off as I was, but I'm not nearly as happy, or mellow, or easy-going, or whatever as I should be. Maybe 10 or 11 more years...we'll see.

Really? Wow! That makes me feel good (I would say it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy but that would be pretty silly.) No one can possibly understand someone who has had a TBI unless they themselves have had a TBI. Believe me, I went 'round and 'round with a psychologist on this very subject - it didn't end well. I got more benefit from talking with fellow TBI survivors than I did from talking to a psychologist for an hour (well...50 minutes)  a week for months. They are a lot cheaper than shrinks to.

Denise,

All these links should work. I think I got this figured out. It takes me awhile to figure stuff out nowadays.

TBI Hell on Google eBooks

TBI Purgatory on Google eBooks

TBI Hell for iTunes

TBI Purgatory for iTunes

If you get the eBook from...wherever, you could do me a huge favor by writing a review, be honest. Any review is helpful in selling books.

Thank you

Geo Gosling

I still can't get them to work but... The point is, iTunes does have my books and so does Google eBooks. The publisher has both books in print, so does Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and who knows who else on-line.