TBIS Self Awareness & Self Control Share Compensation Stratagies & Safety Tip for Independent Living

[Marie-Terese]

1. One of the problems with tbis is maintaining self control and then what we need to do to be abel to regain self control. One of the social rules is that there is no justification for loosing self control. When you loose control you loose credibility and respectivibilty. So what compensation strategies can you share for maintaining and retaining self control?

2. The question seems to be, how does one with a traumatic brain injury understand self awareness and then accept it? Which leads into the self control issues.

3. The other question is, What safety tips can we share about independent living to assit others in the ways to enjoy our successes and our failures?

[Aaron]

The self control thing has been aweful for me, I don't know how safe I am I find myself alone now, but doing the best that i can

[Richard]

awareness is the key, accepting starts the process of being aware t

take care

[Agnes Buskirk]

i dont know about most but i still have no clue who i am hopefully someday i get it

[Mary Ellen Denton]

I have lived with TBI since 1969. I was writiting things down in a calendar even before it became fashionable.

[Josh]

living independant is a challenge, to say the least

[Matt Kramer]

We need prompts, and reminders, we lose what is social rule, we no longer fit the norm and we don't care about the norm anymore, we fight for the new norm what ever that might be

[Susan Owens]

1. I have to constantly remind myself not to react (or overreact ) to what is being said or even sent in an e-mail, as my mental processing is askew. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt if and when there is a question in my mind as to the intention of their comment, as I can no longer trust my gut instincts for verbal and nonverbal cues. Lots and lots of self talk! Of course if I am tired, the whole self control thing goes way out the window!
2. Good question...I'm still thinking through that one.And I'm still having difficulty accepting that fatigue is a big issue for me and creates multiple self control challenges.
3. Keep your cell phone charged and always handy, then have at least one buddy/family member you can call on speed dial at all times to help you through the peskier brain injured moments that may crop up during the day, or to go over instructions, or to get you out of a jam, etc . Devise a signal and let trusted family members and friends know about it. The signal means you are shutting down and need help getting away from an overstimulating environment immediately. Of course you have to remember to use it when you need to....My signal? I tug on my ear (like Carol Burnett used to do at the end of her show!) and the boys know that I'm about to have a tough time of it. This helps if you're in a situation/location where you don't want to broadcast to everyone on the planet that you're shutting down... although my boys say they can take one look at me and see shutdown in progress - so much for being subtle!
Hugs to all of you - and a BIG THANKS to Marie-Terese for all her efforts!
:)

[Marie-Terese]

Susan;
You are an inspiration to TBIS.
Your compensation strategies are excellent.
If you don't mind we will add those to our web site.
What I can say to you is, "Give Yourself Kudos for all that you have accomplished. You are a gem. A precious beautiful piece of the Lord's gift to us. Stand tall and we will stand together to educate the public about the challenges of truamatic brain injury. Together we can be a strong link in the chain of brain injury recovery through friendship and support."
Sincerelybr /> Marie-Terese

[Queenie Alexander]

I noticed that when my partner took singing lessons he was stood in front of a mirror and made to do all kinds of exercises to produce good sounds.  His singing teacher could notice and point out things neither he nor I were aware of and he got feedback when he produced better sounds from standing straighter, listening carefully, etc.  He developed more confidence and poise and better self-control. 

I have learned a long poem by heart that takes me away from the problem of the moment.  i say it to myself: "Let us go then, you and I when the evening is spread out against the sky ..." (It is from the Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot and it has some wonderful lines like, "I have heard the mermaids singing each to each, I do not think they will sing to me." and "I could have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the ocean floors," which really intrigue me.

In Al Anon meetings they suggest that when things are getting hectic, you make a stock excuse, "Gee, I must make that phone call, go to the bathroom, hang out the washing..." and then absent yourself and walk round the block or whatever it takes.

When I lose it I try to remember that the tension will come to an end and there is no point smashing the phone against the wall or whatever it was I want to do.  Deep breaths also help.  And seeing the funny side.

I also notice that I have much better social control if I am in a situation where people do not know me well; I seem to take on board the rules.  At home I can be a tyrant, although only for brief periods.

Not being tired, hungry or thirsty also helps.

[SUSAN FOX]

Hi Marie-Terese,

There are some natural things you can do when looking to regain self-control.  In working with clients who trigger PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) flashbacks, I suggest to them they can do different exercises the minute they recognize they've inadvertently triggered a mind state that triggered an upset feeling within.  You might find the following ideas helpful in TBI: 

1-When you realize you're starting to think thoughts that will lead you to behave and feel out of control, acknowledge that thought out loud.  You would say something like, "I notice I'm thinking a thought that could cause me to feel frustrated, angry, upset."  Say the sentence and identify the FEELING you're about to feel.  You probably know what that self-limiting feeling is going to be from past experiences.  By acknowledging that you are about to feel that specific undesired feeling, you can start to notice NOW is the time to work with it to release it.

2-After you acknowledge that you're about to feel a feeling you would rather not feel, simply ask yourself what you want to do with that unpreferred feeling.  You might say something like,  "Okay, I see that I'm about to feel out of control.  Feeling any certain feeling is up to me.  I feel feelings first by thinking a specific thought.  So, if I change the thought, I can change the feeling.  Right now, I choose to think, 'The sky is blue.  Blue is a pretty color.'"

By changing to thinking this 'blue sky' thought, you actually start using a different brain part that can help you feel in control again.  And you use your mind to think thoughts.  You use your brain to process those thoughts and feel feelings in your physical body.

The mind is made up of your conscious and subconscious minds.  They both function very differently.

With our conscious mind we judge and analyze.  Using these abilities, we  make decisions about what's happening in our outside world.  The conscious mind CAN'T do what the subconscious mind does.  It's like having 2 different people in your body.  The two minds are designed to do different things.  That's just the nature of human mind.

And, the conscious mind can only focus on one thought at a time. 

With our subconscious mind, we focus on what's happening on the inside of us.  With our subconscious mind we use our imagination.  So, when we think a different thought from the thought we used to judge what's happening on the outside of our world, and start focusing on what we create on the inside, we actually change from using our outer world views.  By doing this simple exercise and using our imagination we can actually change our FEELINGS.

So, in the above sentence by saying, 'The sky is blue' you are completely changing from thinking and then feeling out of control thoughts and changing to a neutral statement that has nothing to do with the upsetting situation.  This helps your brain and mind take a breather from what's happening and causing you to feel upset.  Then, the rest of that statement, 'Blue is a pretty color.' supports the first part of the statement.  This helps your brain vacation from the initial upsetting thought.

The more you think calming thoughts unrelated to the upsetting thoughts, the more your brain and mind help you to relax and feel in control again.

Hope this is helpful to you.

Susan

[Karyn]

I love it  "the sky is blue........"    it is like meditating, or a mantra and I intend to use it when I am ready to blow up at my husband.              But I am also picturing myself in the middle of a busy store, where I sometimes (a lot of time LOL)  have problems dealing with crowds.   I am going to stand there and say "the sky is blue,  blue is a pretty color"   it will make me laugh and change my mood.    Thanks for sharing !   

SUSAN FOX said:

Hi Marie-Terese,

There are some natural things you can do when looking to regain self-control.  In working with clients who trigger PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) flashbacks, I suggest to them they can do different exercises the minute they recognize they've inadvertently triggered a mind state that triggered an upset feeling within.  You might find the following ideas helpful in TBI: 

1-When you realize you're starting to think thoughts that will lead you to behave and feel out of control, acknowledge that thought out loud.  You would say something like, "I notice I'm thinking a thought that could cause me to feel frustrated, angry, upset."  Say the sentence and identify the FEELING you're about to feel.  You probably know what that self-limiting feeling is going to be from past experiences.  By acknowledging that you are about to feel that specific undesired feeling, you can start to notice NOW is the time to work with it to release it.

2-After you acknowledge that you're about to feel a feeling you would rather not feel, simply ask yourself what you want to do with that unpreferred feeling.  You might say something like,  "Okay, I see that I'm about to feel out of control.  Feeling any certain feeling is up to me.  I feel feelings first by thinking a specific thought.  So, if I change the thought, I can change the feeling.  Right now, I choose to think, 'The sky is blue.  Blue is a pretty color.'"

By changing to thinking this 'blue sky' thought, you actually start using a different brain part that can help you feel in control again.  And you use your mind to think thoughts.  You use your brain to process those thoughts and feel feelings in your physical body.

The mind is made up of your conscious and subconscious minds.  They both function very differently.

With our conscious mind we judge and analyze.  Using these abilities, we  make decisions about what's happening in our outside world.  The conscious mind CAN'T do what the subconscious mind does.  It's like having 2 different people in your body.  The two minds are designed to do different things.  That's just the nature of human mind.

And, the conscious mind can only focus on one thought at a time. 

With our subconscious mind, we focus on what's happening on the inside of us.  With our subconscious mind we use our imagination.  So, when we think a different thought from the thought we used to judge what's happening on the outside of our world, and start focusing on what we create on the inside, we actually change from using our outer world views.  By doing this simple exercise and using our imagination we can actually change our FEELINGS.

So, in the above sentence by saying, 'The sky is blue' you are completely changing from thinking and then feeling out of control thoughts and changing to a neutral statement that has nothing to do with the upsetting situation.  This helps your brain and mind take a breather from what's happening and causing you to feel upset.  Then, the rest of that statement, 'Blue is a pretty color.' supports the first part of the statement.  This helps your brain vacation from the initial upsetting thought.

The more you think calming thoughts unrelated to the upsetting thoughts, the more your brain and mind help you to relax and feel in control again.

Hope this is helpful to you.

Susan