Staring at my 4 walls

[Karrie Turman-Howe]

I have not one friend..any advice on how I can even be-friend someone outside of my 4 walls?  I cant even cary on a normal conversation with anyone anymore because I NEVER get to talk to someone out of my house..why doesnt anyone want to talk to me anymore?  Am I an embarrasement?  I have a large home and me and my little one are the only ones here...then when she is with her father..I get VERY lonely and wonder why I even survived my accident..how do I obtain a friend outside of my 4 walls?  I live for my little one..but I am very lonely having no one to talk to and even worse when she is gone..Help??

[Vicky Varichak]

Karrie,

How much do you get out of your home?  Because I work full-time I have a lot of time with other people but most of them are not really "friends".  I think that "being" a friend is an important part of having a "friend". I got to know a group of other women that do things together once - maybe twice a month.  We have season tickets to a local community theater and from October through April - May we go to plays not quite once a month, and after the play we go out for dinner.  It is a great time!  The common ground is that we all like live theater. It is sometimes just a fluke that you find people like that but to find them you have to be where they might be.  So If you enjoy something - don't let being by yourself keep you from doing it.  If you go do it anyway you just might find someone else who likes doing it and needs a friend.  What sort of things do you enjoy?

Vicky

[Karrie Turman-Howe]

I dont even know what I like to do anymore, I havent been out of my house other than to get milk, keep dr. appointments, and to check my mail.  The only thing I do is the internet and thats about all.  I dont work at all so I dont even get to meet people at a job..on disability with no job and even wonder if being on disability is a bad thing now...maybe thats why I cant keep a friend?  I dont know but thank you for your reply...I might try to go somewhere alone once I get up enough nerve..thanks Vicky
 
Vicky Varichak said:

Karrie,

How much do you get out of your home?  Because I work full-time I have a lot of time with other people but most of them are not really "friends".  I think that "being" a friend is an important part of having a "friend". I got to know a group of other women that do things together once - maybe twice a month.  We have season tickets to a local community theater and from October through April - May we go to plays not quite once a month, and after the play we go out for dinner.  It is a great time!  The common ground is that we all like live theater. It is sometimes just a fluke that you find people like that but to find them you have to be where they might be.  So If you enjoy something - don't let being by yourself keep you from doing it.  If you go do it anyway you just might find someone else who likes doing it and needs a friend.  What sort of things do you enjoy?

Vicky

[Glen Brist]

Karrie ~    I  should  go  back  and  read  everything,  but  my  heart  goes  out  to  you....  I   found  my   friends, by  volunteering  at  the  hospital.... We   get  a  break  together  and  also  lunch.....they  are  mostly  older  folks  but  fun....  just  my  speed....  I  will   write  more  later,   somthing   weired  is  going  on  with  the  computer;    sorry,      but  I  can't   handle  it  right  now,,,   tired....  take  caare  Karrie.... look  forwaard  to   reading  yours  and   getting  to   know  you..... glen

[Glen Brist]

Just   wanted  to   check  in  Karrie,    how  are   you  doing ?  it  is  odd,   when  we  are  "normal"  and  kids,   our  parents   say   choose  your   friends   wisely !   and   in  some  cases  with  tbi,   we  are    changed  so   much  that  we   do  not  have   friends..to   choose....  I   believe   that  allot  of  this  is  because  of  our   acceptance   level, due  to   problems   with  in  ourselves.... My  wanting  to  be   in   crowds  is   totally   dropped,   but   that  is  ok.     We  need  our  space  to   regroup,  but  we   want  to  be  careful  not  to  isolate  ourselves.....   My  Dr.   highly   recomended  volunteering,   as  it  is   mainly  a  one  on  one   situation,  and  the  other  volunteers  are   elderly ,   and  slow,   so   actually  I  kind  of   fit  in   well..... and  at  the  end  of  the  day  I   felt   rewarded  "inside  me " Hope   you  can  find  something....  Your  loneliness  may  be  due  to  depression  because   your  little  one  is   away....with  someone   who   triggers   unpleasant  thoughts,   that  would  be  a  good  time  to   reach  out    to   your   hospital,   neighbor  hood   activities,   or  just  one   special   "mother  type"    Best  wishes,,,,  hang  in  there,   we   are   your  friends,  and  Yes  I  know   you  are  still  in  those     4   walls....   hope  you can  step  out.....    with  care....  glen 

[Karrie Turman-Howe]

Thank you for your message Glen...thank you!  I would like to voulenteer but not sure where to start, I think I have to pre-register for voulenteering...just need to remember to find somewhere I am needed.  That would help greatly..thank you
 
Glen Brist said:

Just   wanted  to   check  in  Karrie,    how  are   you  doing ?  it  is  odd,   when  we  are  "normal"  and  kids,   our  parents   say   choose  your   friends   wisely !   and   in  some  cases  with  tbi,   we  are    changed  so   much  that  we   do  not  have   friends..to   choose....  I   believe   that  allot  of  this  is  because  of  our   acceptance   level, due  to   problems   with  in  ourselves.... My  wanting  to  be   in   crowds  is   totally   dropped,   but   that  is  ok.     We  need  our  space  to   regroup,  but  we   want  to  be  careful  not  to  isolate  ourselves.....   My  Dr.   highly   recomended  volunteering,   as  it  is   mainly  a  one  on  one   situation,  and  the  other  volunteers  are   elderly ,   and  slow,   so   actually  I  kind  of   fit  in   well..... and  at  the  end  of  the  day  I   felt   rewarded  "inside  me " Hope   you  can  find  something....  Your  loneliness  may  be  due  to  depression  because   your  little  one  is   away....with  someone   who   triggers   unpleasant  thoughts,   that  would  be  a  good  time  to   reach  out    to   your   hospital,   neighbor  hood   activities,   or  just  one   special   "mother  type"    Best  wishes,,,,  hang  in  there,   we   are   your  friends,  and  Yes  I  know   you  are  still  in  those     4   walls....   hope  you can  step  out.....    with  care....  glen 

[Southern Girl]

Hi Karrie! How are things going? Just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk you can message me at anytime! :)

[Glen Brist]

Hi  Karrie -  I  welcome   you  to  be  a   friend,....  Friends  revitalize  me,  and  I  find  in   sharing  and  giving,  one  usually   comes  out  the   richer.....  would  enjoy  having  you as  a  friend.... 

[mary lutz]

Karrie I have the same issue. I dont work. I also must be very thrifty so things like the theatre and dinners out are few and far between these days. I would like to start walking again and a walking buddy would be great. I do much better if I commit to someone else besides myself. I have actually had my shoes and coat on to head out and changed my mind and came back.

I use to not mind a bit doing things on my own. Thats all different now. My sleep patterns make me unreliable also.

Congrats on getting your disability. I didnt know until now. I know its a bit bittersweet, we need it and then for me, it makes me feel a little incompetent. Working on that.

I know what it feels like to have trouble finding interest too. Just keep trying.

Mary

[Drew Blanton]

I think we all have our 4 walls, not just those of us who have brain injuries.  I can make friends on this website easily by clicking the "Add Friend" button.  Of course, the other person has to accept me before we're really friends.  If you'll accept me, I'll be your friend.

[TBI Survivors Network]

got to force your self out, check out some support groups any thing and you are not an embarrassment

[Karyn]

you sound very close to your little girl.   Look at that as a possitive thing, how lucky you are to have her !!!   It might be easier to work on your situation through her.   Does she go to school,  the playground,  someplace where you can meet others that have children her age ?    I think it is maybe easier if you have a "side kick"  LOL   Makes meeting people a lot easier.   How about getting a dog ?    Your daughter would love that  !! and you would have someone (the dog) with you when your daughter is visiting her Dad.   You and your daughter could take walks with the dog,  go to the dog park if you have one and meet people that way.  Dogs and kids are a good magnet to meet nice people .   Keep in touch.  

[BARB GEORGE]

Hey Karyn,

I know how hard it is to be in this situation... It is tough to volunteer when you cannot keep a true schedule--recently I was offered a job at a place I would LOVE to work--but I had to admit (to myself -- again --and to them) that I am just not truly reliable.  My WANT to do it is reliable, but my true abilities are not. However, that doesn't mean I can't do some things.  I started getting out by walking with a couple of people on their lunch hours.  Then I joined the local Y.  I get overwhelmed really easily--and of course there are the lights and sounds and the flux of people in and out--I do still go, but again--not reliable.  

I MAKE myself say hello to people.  I walk in my neighborhood.  I (again) MAKE MYSELF smile at people and say hello.  Just that PRACTICE helps... Also, know this:  the idea of neighbors being 'neighbors' like they used to be is pretty much gone from our communities.  So many people work long hours and we move so much more often, that building real relationships is VERY hard in today's society.  It isn't just us that are home because of injury... it is anyone who is in this 'island of being home'.  

You might let the office at your kids school know that you would like to help... on a 'drop in' basis.  Invariably there is stapling or copying to be done, or sorting to do...  You can also go 'do lunch' with your daughter.  The kids LOVE it when parents show up for lunch.  Even my (then) high schooler thought it was 'cool' that I was in the office, as long as I didn't try to hover over her.  Start small.  Let the teacher know you are willing to take some things HOME to work on once in a while... That gives him/her more time to be with THEIR FAMILY even if it is cutting the tops off of milk cartons (can you tell I did this once?).  You get a chance to have a real conversation with the teacher (and invariably YOU will be a STAR to them, and they will sing your PRAISES TO THE OTHER TEACHERS!!!).  Truly, it can be a huge asset to you and your child, not to mention the teachers.  

Remember, it all begins with one step forward. There are many times I just need to hide.  I must recharge and recoup.  My time is different now--my kids have kids.  But we need to set a good example for others around us to move as forward as we possibly can.  Hmmm... This just made me realize my soon to be kindergardener granddaughter may need a story buddy in her new school!  HA!  Time to make that call!!!  

Hugs!