Somebody dear to me has a TBI

[Ty Daly]

Hello, 

I came across this site a few days ago as I was looking for resources that would help me understand people with traumatic brain injuries. See, my sweet sweet girlfriend bonked her head pretty good 3 years ago (long before we were dating).  As a result she is still suffering from memory loss, headaches, fatigue, insomnia, and depression among other things. The doctors say nobody can ever understand her, and she will not get better.  She doesn't even understand herself.  She is a completely different person than before the accident and doesn't know who this new person is.  She doesn't know what to do in life, so she tries to do what other people tell her she is supposed to do to make them happy. She tells me she feels her life is pointless, her life is hopeless. It kills me to hear her say that.

I read through a bunch of Debbie Wilson's poems and felt really touched by them.  They described the same things my girlfriend has described to me, and it hit me pretty hard when I began to see how she was feeling. I printed them out and watched as she read them.  She read "When I look in the Mirror" and asked if I wrote it (i said yes, haha).  In the middle of "Broken Dreams" she began to tear up.  By the third poem it looked as if she realized for the very first time that she was not alone in the world; there were other people who actually shared her feelings. 

Debbie, if you see this, thank you so much for posting those poems. I mean it.  I am hoping this will be a stepping stone in the path of recovery for my girlfriend.  She means so much to me and all i want to do is help her.  

It's hard dealing with a situation like this.  Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Anything I can say she has already heard ten times before.  I can't tell her what to do, I can't tell her "i know" because I don't know, I can't tell her "it's okay" because it's not okay, and I can't tell her that I don't care about her old self because she does care about her old self.  The only thing left for me to do is keep giving her hope, keep telling her things will get better, that the doctors don't know what they are talking about because people get better than expected all the time. 

If there is any advice you have for me, please share it!

TD

[Ty Daly]

One last thing to ask of the community here... if you could say one thing to my girlfriend (Megan) to try and help her get through this experience, what would it be? Things have been particularly rough lately, and I think a motivational message from other TBI survivors (whether its a few sentences or an entire page) would really help her. 

Remember, Megan is a 22 year old girl who feels her life is hopeless, and things will never get better. She is depressed and overwhelmed. She lives with her single mom and 2 sisters, all who are depressed themselves and rely on Megan to make them happy.  She receives no support from them.... her family just makes life harder for her.  Megan also works and goes to school, giving her no free time whatsoever.  She actually broke up with me yesterday because she felt too guilty about being in a relationship with a person who is so good to her, but she doesn't have the emotional or physical stamina to give back to me. She feels like she needs to find herself, and be happy with herself, before she can be in a relationship and be happy with somebody else. 

So please, write up a little something you would like to say to her. I will print them all out and give them to her to read... i just want her to be happy, and have hope. 

It would really mean a lot to me.

Ty

[Debbie Wilson]

Ty Daly said:

One last thing to ask of the community here... if you could say one thing to my girlfriend (Megan) to try and help her get through this experience, what would it be? Things have been particularly rough lately, and I think a motivational message from other TBI survivors (whether its a few sentences or an entire page) would really help her. 

Remember, Megan is a 22 year old girl who feels her life is hopeless, and things will never get better. She is depressed and overwhelmed. She lives with her single mom and 2 sisters, all who are depressed themselves and rely on Megan to make them happy.  She receives no support from them.... her family just makes life harder for her.  Megan also works and goes to school, giving her no free time whatsoever.  She actually broke up with me yesterday because she felt too guilty about being in a relationship with a person who is so good to her, but she doesn't have the emotional or physical stamina to give back to me. She feels like she needs to find herself, and be happy with herself, before she can be in a relationship and be happy with somebody else. 

So please, write up a little something you would like to say to her. I will print them all out and give them to her to read... i just want her to be happy, and have hope. 

It would really mean a lot to me.

Ty

[Debbie Wilson]

Ty good luck and I send this with you. You Are Not Alone I would never remember your name but I am aware of who you are, It is hard to be happy when we only concentrate on the thorns. Brain injury is a devastating injury for anyone to ever comprehend, I choose to look at it as the day I had a chance to be totally reborn. The slate was wiped clean, because my memory was so impaired. Who and what I am today is nothing like the woman I once was. To all those that knew me before and miss the old me I am so sorry, Today I am even busier than before, trying to right injustice, is my cause. The disabled are mistreated and it makes me very, very angry and sad. I choose to spend the rest of my life fighting for others rights and being a voice. I may not have chosen this life course, but I do choose what I do with it now, For all of those unable to communicate, protecting your well being is my choice. No matter who or where you are, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, A disability of any kind is not an excuse for others to offend or condemn. I wish I could take away all the pain I know others have caused you to feel, Your rights as a human being are what I work hardest to try and defend. I will probably never get to meet all the you’s in my heart or on my mind, Your tragedy has not gone unnoticed there are many that care about you. Support groups will help teach you that you are definitely not all alone, There are many of us trying hard to make sure you get what is certainly your due. By: Debbie Wilson 01-18-2012 Debbie Wilson’s Family Brain Injury Blog http://www.noahsarkconsulting.blogspot.com