New Member With Old Childhood TBI, having hard time

[John Donne]

I had a traumatic brain injury when i was 6 years old.  I'm from the USA

Nice to meet you all.

I'm now in my early 30s and I went without any help all my life and that's why I been struggling in school and everything . I never  had no goal no clue what i was doing in life and  ever since i graduated college all i had is temporary jobs who fired me and laid me off.

i have always been the only different in jobs and i can't fit in anywhere because i don't speak like the typical people. I am slow in speaking and understanding especially when it's complicated typical adult language. I usually am quiet and i dont participate because i can't keep up with other people.

I've been bullied all my life in school and ridiculed in the jobs i've had because i'm different.

I've also been always scolded by my parents for being slower to understad things, scolded by teachers and all that. I was never in Special ED because again my parents were ignorant being from a poor country and not having education. Then i was put in regular classes and my parents never told the school about my situation , nobody ever knew. I did pass classes because i have some intelligence but I never talked with anyone, and i was solitary. then starting in Junior high when courses started to require discussions etc i never could participate so i started failing . i luckly passed but it was barely and because my older sister actually did my Math Projects. I never understood and had no clue how to do them. She just did them for me. That's why i passed highschool. Then in college i was starting to fail from the freshman year. got F's several times... By the second year of failing and not passing , I was kicked out of my major. i got another one major that was easier to pass but it was something that had no use in terms of jobs and something that I knew i was actually not getting any jobs in. I just got it because i feared my parents scolding me if they knew i was kicked out of college.

Although i had a severe TBI as a child, i was lucky to recover in that i look normal but i actualy have a lot of trouble with communicating, speaking and memory problems. I do not sound at all like a typical adult. i am more like a kid. I have trouble with finances, taxes, loans.. i do not understand any of those topics at all and i'm scared i might end up homeless. When i entered college i never understood any of the loan and financial stuff i was doing..And now i have a school loan which i don't understand and i' cant pay cause i can't get employed.

I also have problems with undestanding and reading. I do not understand anything i hear or Read . Unless it's easy stuff but adult topics and specially when people talk to me in real time fluently with typical adult topics I am always confused and i can't understand what they said. I have been faking thtat i do understand by saying things like "oh yeah" " yeah yea" "i see" but i don't understand in fact i dont even understand when my mother speaks fluently and fast to me. Because i have this problem, job training and lectures and going to normal schools is not good for me. When i was in college I actually failed because i didn't understand the complex topics as they are presented in college.

Anyways, i've never had friends or love and i'm just a lonely guy living with parents, have never been independent and have no clue what i'm doing and how i'm gonna live.

I fear homeless and being lonely with no love ever.

What do you guys think i can do? i have applied for Disability but i dont know if they'll acccept me.

PS. I never revealedd my TBI or disability to schools or to jobs so far because my parents were not educated and they just thought i was normal after i recovered BUT they never knew that i was always having Social problems at schools and work. and only i know that i've always had trouble.

Thanks.

[SUSAN FOX]

Hi John,

Well, by reading your post it sounds like you can do some things all right.  I think it's good to get in on TBI groups that can help you.

In which part of the USA do you reside?  By knowing what resources are available to you locally, you can start to get help that might be available.

I think the first thing to determine is what you CAN do.  Do you have artistic abilities like being able to draw, cartoon, etc?  Do you read all right?  What are your abilities?  Write them out on paper.

Next, if you are struggling with getting a job, you might be able to go into business for yourself.  It may take some help, but there are organizations that help people with disabilities open up their own business.  Find out about the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA).  Here's a link to that:

http://www.ada.gov/

After you determine what is easy for your to do, the next step would be to see if there is a market for it.  For example, if you are the type of person who can motivate others to keep moving forward, you might be a good motivational coach.  Or, if you can write happy greetings, you might be able to make money writing greeting card sayings.

It all begins by first figuring out what your natural abilities are and then move on from there.

You might consider contacting your local Autism Society office.  Or, your local Mental Health Association.  These two organizations might have some ideas to help.

Also, you might consider contacting Amy or Arnold Mindell.  Their website is http://www.aamindell.net/.

Other websites that might have helpful information could be:

http://www.brainline.org/content/2008/07/what-course-treatment-post...

Or this one...

http://www.americasheroesatwork.gov/forEmployers/factsheets/FAQTBI/

Or this one...

http://askjan.org/

Or this one...

http://www.biausa.org/

Please know that you are important.  You are awesome.  You are smart.  You are good and by communicating with people who are professionals here to help you or others who have personally experienced TBI, you stay connected.  With connections, you will never be alone.

God bless,

Comatalker

[Kerry Mischka]

Dear John- Your story is touching.  First off, I will be your friend and you are dearly loved by me as a fellow TBIer.  One question I do have is what nationality are you and your parents?  Although I grew up in the USA and never sustained a severe brain injury until 1997 (I was 27yrs old) I can totally relate to your story.  In fact, it wasn't until I had a TBI until I started to feel more normal...if that makes any sense to you.  My sibling are all extremely intelligent and highly successful.  The only love and anything I have is all because of God's grace towards me.  It wasn't until I began a real live relationship with Jesus Christ that I began to understand anything about my life.  Luckily, I found a bible believing "Finished Work" church.  There is TBI and Spirituality site that you might want to join.  Anyhow...the bottom line is that it doesn't matter what other people think about you.  You, nor the rest of us will ever be good enough for God and that is why Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins...we are all sinners.  We are all depraved (there is nothing good in us) until we ask Jesus Christ to be our Lord and Savior.  Please know that I care deeply about how you feel and your fears about the future.  I might venture to say that we are all faced with that.  Please feel free to write to me any time.  You are very smart.  Have a great one.  God Bless.  Kerry

[Paula L Florentine]

Hello John,

I just read your story. I can really relate to what you said on here. I am 57 years old. My name is Paula Florentine and I live in Spirit Lake, Idaho-the northeran part of the state., near Canada. Anyway, I had a severe skull fracture to the back of my head called a "Basal Skull Fracture with a severe concussion and bleeding into my brain for 3 days-almost died. I am now 58 on June 29th this month. Then, I recovered somewhat 4 months later-then, I had a secondary blow to my head and another concussion-all with in 6 months of the original injury. I am here and I have the very same problems you have ,plus hearing loss, dizzy spells, headaches all the time, potential for seizures, memory problems, cognitive or learning difficulties. I was a nurse prior to my injury. So, I have a good understanding of TBI , but I deal with the exact isssues you have faced your entire life-I have no family either (they left me). No friends, and I live all alone. I have to do everything and it is very difficult for me too-so much pain and problems communicating with people-they all talk too fast especially on the phone. Anyway, please feel free to email me back. Ok. God Bless You John-oh, I got SSD Disability right away afte rmy accident as it was so severe-this is my only income now. It is ok.

[Cheryl Green]

It is good to see if there is a disability advocacy organization in your city like the Independent Living Resources. They help people apply for Social Security Disability.

If you get denied on your application, do NOT give up, and do NOT throw away the denial letter! You can go with a place like Independent Living Resources or with a disability lawyer to appeal. An appeal is asking the government to look at your application again. You do not pay a lawyer any money unless you get the benefits. The advocate or lawyer will tell you where to go to get testing to prove if you are too disabled to work. A Neuropsychologist usually does those tests.

If you choose to get a lawyer, only go with one who has lots of experience with people with brain injuries. Just ask them if they do or not. That is very, very important.

If there are support groups in your city, those are a great place to find friends. I have made many great friends in support groups! I lost some of my old friends after my injury, and now I have new ones who understand me better.

And keep writing and posting here! The people on this site are wonderful supports and friends.

I'm so glad you wrote.

[Adrienne H]

I know exacly what your going through I'm in the exact situation.My speech got better only bcus I was constantly told it was right.So I try to speak as though I was from new Jersey. I knowest that they speak fast so I would try to copy them. I would repeat message that i would record on a answering machine back to myself. Still to this day my speech drags when I'm tired and dont care to correct myself. People are mean they still are to me it gets me down and it hard to keep being possitive when everything counted against you but I keep trying every day I wake to better myself. I graduated 5 yr ago but I'm try to get a GED so I can be qualified to go to college. Your right it hard to find a job but you should tell ppl wht you have no matter how embarassing it might be. I have TBI and tremars and went to the oral sergen to get 4 teeth pulled in when I woke up they thought I was having a cieseire but i wasent it was my tremars acting up and they stuck a tube down my throught and almost killed me. So you have to start telling ppl. and when it comes to love, life is like a sale ppl wont invest if you dont invest.Meaning worry more about bettering yourself and then your worth will be better.You said you try school it did not work for you and ppl whamp when it comes to hiring you all I can say is try to figure out wht you really want in life and work your hardest to get it. There are ppl in the world worst off then me and you long as we have breath to brreath we have a chance.I told you Im going through the same things as you 2yr ago i search for a book that could help me. It called the TBI survival kit it a great book i would highly recogmen you read that.God bless hope your situation gets better. dont give up the fight

[wendy miller]

Hi John,i can totaly understand where you are coming from i to had trauma to my head when i was young several times and was put into care and then adopted when i was 8yrs old,then when i was 33 i suffered an aneurysm i am physically fine but i have mental and communication probs.similar to you and struggled through school and jobs,i am now a massage therapist and realy enjoy what i do i self tought myself because if i went to colledge i wouldnt be able to understand like everyone else.I struggle everyday and i know iit wont get better but we have to learn to manage it and try and find something that you enjoy and are good at.Please try and stay positive and dont let it beat you you are a good person and so what if you are a bit different you are not alone.t.c wjm x

 

[John Donne]

Thank you everybody.

Today i got scolded really badly by my mother. I always get scolded by them.

Today she told me to take some letter to the post office and send it by some special way

and i was so confused and didn't understand anything. And i had to go cause otherweise my mother would get angry. So i went and i had no clue what i was gonna do or say.

So i just went up to the clerk and i said "my mother......said something 5 dollars. i dont really know"

then the clerk starts machinegun fluent talk, and i had no clue what he said. So anyways, i was totally lost and i just said "I'll come back later"

then called my mom and told her i couldn't do it cause i didn't understand and she scolded me so badly with screaming. Felt really bad.

I have parents that just in denial. They still want to believe that i can be a businessman and fluent and talkative just cause i went to school and they force me to do things and then i mess up and they enraged at me. They always give me the "You**** graduated. How can a graduate not understand things. give me a break"

it's so sad they don't want to be understanding.

[Andrew Gray]

Hi John  i am new to this. I found it best to tell people how it is in my head. People i don't know seem too accept it my family thinks I look fine I must be fine. The more a person knows you the less they want to believe. Hell I don't want to believe. Show them other web sites. Keep a site like this or another group where you can talk without everyone seeing. Its good to be able to talk to people and not have to worry about what you say.You sound a lot better then you think you do.  Keep  the faith.

[Madison]

its never easy just keep going

[Kerry Mischka]

Hi Andrew-

I was just on this site and happened to read what you wrote to John on August 3rd.  First of all, I would like to request that we become friends on this site.  Second of all, I loved what you said about your family...that if you look fine, then you must be fine.  Actually, I could not have put it better myself.  Who wants to believe this.  It took me 15yrs to accept it....Just wanted to say kudos.  Well written.  You keep the faith as well.  God Bless. 

Kerry