I'm male. 32. TBI from childhood and it still affects me alot.
I have maturity issues/i'm childlike and speech troubles too
and Auditory processing and trouble understanding people when they talk to me. Memory issues too.
Anyways, i've never had a Girlfriend, not even female friends. i just had some temporary (week, or few weeks)foreign female friends just cause i talked to them in bus stops.. about 3 in my life time. Reason for this is i talked to the shy/quiet foreign girls from asia and over there there is more acceptance of shy/quiet. than here in America.
So , because i'm quiet and not much talk and i'm slow too...those people still accept me and my childlike laugh and talk and jokes.I'm not saying all asians accpet me, but there has been many more . even online i have like 40 female friends and they accept my child behavior.
These are things the typical women my age(career college educated) think is stupid and childish and they just think i'm a loser. So, it doesn't seem like it's possible for me to have a girlfriend or love ever. So i'm sad.
Everytime i go out in the city and i see attractive women, my heart pounds but then i have to say to my self "Whatever. i'll never have those girls as gf.. so what's the point" and i turn my head away to not look at them or i look down.
But realistically, i really dont have a chance.
Some people with TBI who recover, speak wel and adult like but I'm not that way. So those people can get GFs and love but it doesn't seem i will ever be able to have that.
Even, in going out.. most people out there are the typical normal non TBI women and they want playboys or smart types etc. They want good communicators and i'm not that.
And many women my age want mature guys.
So it's not very posible to get a normal/non tbi woman. So do i have to look for a TBI girlfriend? how would i do that?
Also I read dating books etc. and those things just don't apply to me. Cause it just doesn't work for me. For example they say to go to places and talk to women. But those women expect a 32 year old guy to be mature and adult-like, . And then i talk and i'm stuck and can't think because i have memory problems. They just think i'm stupid. and don't take me seriously. I also have nothing in my brain for long pauses and in my case, i just have child like simple topics and Women expect gossip and complex conversations which i never do because it's not in me.
Anyways, Love/GF for a TBI person is difficult. Well it is for me and it has been always, 32 years with nothing. What do i have to do?
People say "just talk". Well i've been going to many places now: TBI support group, and i go to some other meetings(cause the therapist told me to try things) and i talk to the women with my simple language but they're not interested. Some may feel sorry for me, for example the volunteer college students in the TBI supoprt group and they're nice and kind to me but that's cause they know i have tbi,, But they're not really interested in having a love relationship with me OR a true friendship
Thanks for reading
John- I just read the discussion you started....first of all, you seem to consider me chopped liver since you specifically wrote to "guys" at least that is the way I took it. However, I am a female that had a severe TBI in 1997 and can appreciate what you are experiencing. I am a college educated and totally normal looking and sounding female. Trust me, speaking from experience, it isn't as easy as you might think for me either. So, remember that we ALL have an invisible injury and even though I may be able to articulate my words I am the same as you. I must admit, I am a bit confused about where you are at in your life. In one post I read that you have a wife and in the above post, you don't even have a girlfriend...is it just me or am I reading what you write correctly? It is very confusing to me. Kerry
Hi Kerry. thanks for your message.
Yeah it's just you. I never said i have a wife. I haven't even had a girlfriend ever.
And i wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the typical Females that have never had a brain injury. The ones who have an ideal of a guy with great career and great communication skills and brave and confident and all that. in other words, women who want all the things that i'm not.
Which is the majority of women.
And by the way you're a miracle that you can look normal and sound normal.
Sadly i don't. i never recovered well, and so people never accept me unless they're old ladies who are nice to people. But typical females my age think i'm crap. and they ignore me and go with the playboy type or talkative mature sounding guys.
So, does anyone know how i can go about finding love?
I've never had nothing. The only close to a friend relationship was one time i met a foreign girl and she became my friend(mostly because i helped her with her homework) but she was quiet and accepting because in that country there are many quiet/shy people. But in America i've never met any girls like that and i just see and am surrounding by typical talkative women who want talkative mature guys with great careers.
And plus i act like a child, and typical women my age(30s) don't want a guy like me.
I would say stop looking. Once you are truly content with who you are, then a love will come. Try finding a good bible believing church that is non-denominational. You would have a better chance there. You are accurate with your deductions. There is someone out there that will love you, but you have to love and accept yourself first before you will find that individual...just love people and they will love you back. At least, do it to the best of your ability. Try to love the One that created you....that is the best place to start.
Hello. I am a survivor of a TBI in 2008. 2 major concussions-a Basal Skull Fracture too-I survived with very bad short term memory and other problems-I was a hospice nurse prior, no longer. I have pain and problems understanding people all the time-therefore, I don't go anywhere. I was married a long time ago with 2 daughters. They have nothing to do with me and live in another state-I live alone John. I know exactly what you are talking about because you described my personality right now. I am very shy and talk childish too-especially with other adults-men scare me now as I am insecure. I have no way of communicating to find a bf?? I have tried online and the moment they know I had this injury they abandon me? The Asian people are kind and polite too. They are very accepting and intelligent John. This is a tough situation we are in, but I just pray a lot and keep trying to talk either online or out there? somewhere? You can talk to me John anytime.
Take care-I know exactly what you are experiencing. Paula in Idaho