It has been over 5 years since my accident. I continued to work part time for over 2 years. After the injury, the first thing to stop was any life perks, such as all social and recreational activiites as work and family responsibility was priority. By 2 years, I was so worn out from everything taking much longer to do, so part time was about 60 hrs a week.

 

Shortly after stopping work, my youngest child left for college. By now, friends had stopped calling for the most part. The social circle became very small. Even though I may look normal, I dont get jokes quickly or respond easily. I also recovered from some horrible depression. I also have other medical problems that limit me. Since Im not married and my parents are deseased, contact with my kids is often all there is.

 

I have spent a lot of my time searching for help to recover, but evidently west virginia is very far behind, I have found this website and participated in conversations, but gotten no response. I have contacted our local voc rehab, but they dont return calls. I have heard through this site that there is a mentoring program, but evidently not available to those outside washington state or there is something I cant figure out.

 

This network says at the top of the page "you are not alone" but it sure feels like it. I just dont get it-there are supposedly so many with brain injury and I dont know any, and after being on this site for a month and not one person that has been here taking the time to respond, I dont see any reason to waste any more time here. I am a member on a ptsd website and it is nothing like this, however, its not about head injury.

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mary lutz said:

Hi Richard,

Thank you for your response. I am so sorry for what you are going through and for your daughters injury. Your daughters condition is much worse than mine and I feel shame for not being able to do better with what I have. I should be very grateful. It is sad how people abandon those with injuries, maybe because they no longer no how to relate or what to say or do. We are still human and still have feelings. Though I do not blame my friends for not calling me to do things anymore. Im not so relaible.

I think the saddest is my family. My sister publically made fun of me because I have a facial twitch. My daughter who I put through law school will not speak to me because she wants to be my parent and tell me what to do-not helpful.

Has your daughters speech improved? Can you get her another therapist? I am very glad that she has you. Richard I hope that you have people to lean on yourself because I know being a caretaker is a huge job and draining. I know how alone it does feel, and how misunderstood I feel.

Wishing you luck too

Mary

hello mary: thank you for replying to my note I sent you. I am not accustomed to receiving mail back when it is about my daughters accident. I don't mean to be cynical but that as you know is the way people are today. I can't believe your sister made fun of your twitch. maybe she was having a moment of 'stupidy' ha. your daughter if she attended law school should be clever enough to let you live your own life. maybe she is just trying to be helpful.

I purchased an  'ipad' for my daughter 1 year ago. I  didn't think she would benefit much by it. was I wrong. she took to the machine like a duck to water ha. she enjoys the I pad so much. and it also a form of neuro plasticity.  a doctor named dr. norman doige wrote a lot of information about this.

anyway mary I am rambling so I will let you go for now. take care and write anytime. I am a good listener.

your friend

richard
 
richard young said:



mary lutz said:

Hi Richard,

Thank you for your response. I am so sorry for what you are going through and for your daughters injury. Your daughters condition is much worse than mine and I feel shame for not being able to do better with what I have. I should be very grateful. It is sad how people abandon those with injuries, maybe because they no longer no how to relate or what to say or do. We are still human and still have feelings. Though I do not blame my friends for not calling me to do things anymore. Im not so relaible.

I think the saddest is my family. My sister publically made fun of me because I have a facial twitch. My daughter who I put through law school will not speak to me because she wants to be my parent and tell me what to do-not helpful.

Has your daughters speech improved? Can you get her another therapist? I am very glad that she has you. Richard I hope that you have people to lean on yourself because I know being a caretaker is a huge job and draining. I know how alone it does feel, and how misunderstood I feel.

Wishing you luck too

Mary

I just found this site and read your words and I want you to know, you are not alone in this. We all have our stories, our lives, our tragedies we deal with but this is by far, one of the most challenging I have had to deal with. You talked about isolation. In our situation, it is my husband who has the injury but I am his security. It took a month before I could go to the bathroom by myself. We are constantly by each others side and I sometimes feel isolated. Luckily, I have strong family support and strong faith in God. One of the changes in my husband, is his faith. In many ways, he acts like a child. He is 13 years younger than I, but I have had 7 children so in a way, I have been prepared for being a caregiver, just never thought it would be for my husband. We deal with so many emotions....depression...some anger...but mostly, our faith is pulling us through. I am not going to preach to you about God, but we are being helped by Him. I feel for you, I feel your frustration, just don't give up. Many Blessings, Ruth

Hi Mary, I'm new to this site but not new to TBI (6/1986). I am a surviver/advocate in the metro Detroit area. I guess its easy to say that I feel the same as you at times-  and if there are all these people w/head injuries- well where are they?

Im fortunate that I live by myself. I have 2 great daughters (1 in college, the other using her BA degree). They are the ones that keep me grounded-(well, most of the time) even though they live out of state.   You will get over this, over and over again.          zip me a note-Ill chat w/you (basicly-anyone that needs to chat) when I can.       thx   Rocko

Hi Rocko,

Im glad you found this site. I am grateful for it.

I have found that I go through periods of isolation. Life is easier that way I guess.

You have a long history with this. I guess you have learned to accept the changes. Where are all those with head injuries? I wonder how many others isolate too. I dont come on this sight too often. I know that I should become more involved with advocacy and do something in my area. Yet everytime I get to feeling better my insurance takes medications away and I end up very depressed. Or, like you I have daughters, but one has been very mean to me-for a very long time, but it has only bothered me since the head injury. I guess she is ashamed and wishes that I did not exist. She has said she would rather have no mother than one with a disability. I get depressed about that. I think it makes my symptoms worse. But we cant chose our family. So I stay in bed a lot. I dont want to embarrass my family. My friends have not said anything bad, but if your family feels this way, Im sure friends do too.

Anyway, I take responsibility for what I do with it. My brain just does not let me get over stuff anymore so easily no matter how hard I try. Thinking about it brings me anxiety, so I just try to manage that. Sorry I am not feeling very positive today.

Mary

Wow Mary, My heart goes out to you. I don't know what I would of done without my family support through all of this and we are only in our 10th month post injury but Mary, out of bad comes good. That may sound strange but I believe it to be true. You can't pick your family and sometimes what our children do hurt and I am sorry you feel your an embarrassment to them, I think my husband feels the same, like he is a burden but for whatever reason, he and you and all those others out there going through it, are still alive. I try and focus on the good and deal with whatever comes. Keep your chin up...your in my prayers...Blessings, Ruth

mary lutz said:

Hi Rocko,

Im glad you found this site. I am grateful for it.

I have found that I go through periods of isolation. Life is easier that way I guess.

You have a long history with this. I guess you have learned to accept the changes. Where are all those with head injuries? I wonder how many others isolate too. I dont come on this sight too often. I know that I should become more involved with advocacy and do something in my area. Yet everytime I get to feeling better my insurance takes medications away and I end up very depressed. Or, like you I have daughters, but one has been very mean to me-for a very long time, but it has only bothered me since the head injury. I guess she is ashamed and wishes that I did not exist. She has said she would rather have no mother than one with a disability. I get depressed about that. I think it makes my symptoms worse. But we cant chose our family. So I stay in bed a lot. I dont want to embarrass my family. My friends have not said anything bad, but if your family feels this way, Im sure friends do too.

Anyway, I take responsibility for what I do with it. My brain just does not let me get over stuff anymore so easily no matter how hard I try. Thinking about it brings me anxiety, so I just try to manage that. Sorry I am not feeling very positive today.

Mary

 Hey Mary-

Yup, my TBI was like 27yrs ago. Its not that I have learned to accept the way I am- its just this is the way I am, period.

Theres alot of mean people out there that can surely bring you down (I'm sure all of us have run into that before). Its not their fault, there just uneducated. I may try to enlighten them about the situation (you know-the TBI stuff). If they listen and understand great. If not and there still an 'jerk', then there the one w/a problem ya know?

To this day my parents and brothers still dont understand that I am a survivor. Now how can that be(?) as Im thinking to myself. Very frustrating at times and it does get to me. I may feel upset/depressed or even shed a tear when that happens or even hours or days later it might hit me.  I just get threw it and move on. I know, its easier said then done.

I would chat with you privately- by e-mail or by phone (and no,I'm not a shrink lol). Dont no how we would do that. I'm not giving out that private information so every Tom Dick & Harry would contact me ya know.

p.s   The happiest people don't have the best of everything / they just make the best of everything.

Rocko-


mary lutz said:

Im glad you found this site. I am grateful for it.

I have found that I go through periods of isolation. Life is easier that way I guess.

You have a long history with this. I guess you have learned to accept the changes. Where are all those with head injuries? I wonder how many others isolate too. I dont come on this sight too often. I know that I should become more involved with advocacy and do something in my area. Yet everytime I get to feeling better my insurance takes medications away and I end up very depressed. Or, like you I have daughters, but one has been very mean to me-for a very long time, but it has only bothered me since the head injury. I guess she is ashamed and wishes that I did not exist. She has said she would rather have no mother than one with a disability. I get depressed about that. I think it makes my symptoms worse. But we cant chose our family. So I stay in bed a lot. I dont want to embarrass my family. My friends have not said anything bad, but if your family feels this way, Im sure friends do too.

Anyway, I take responsibility for what I do with it. My brain just does not let me get over stuff anymore so easily no matter how hard I try. Thinking about it brings me anxiety, so I just try to manage that. Sorry I am not feeling very positive today.

Mary

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