isolation

[mary lutz]

It has been over 5 years since my accident. I continued to work part time for over 2 years. After the injury, the first thing to stop was any life perks, such as all social and recreational activiites as work and family responsibility was priority. By 2 years, I was so worn out from everything taking much longer to do, so part time was about 60 hrs a week.

 

Shortly after stopping work, my youngest child left for college. By now, friends had stopped calling for the most part. The social circle became very small. Even though I may look normal, I dont get jokes quickly or respond easily. I also recovered from some horrible depression. I also have other medical problems that limit me. Since Im not married and my parents are deseased, contact with my kids is often all there is.

 

I have spent a lot of my time searching for help to recover, but evidently west virginia is very far behind, I have found this website and participated in conversations, but gotten no response. I have contacted our local voc rehab, but they dont return calls. I have heard through this site that there is a mentoring program, but evidently not available to those outside washington state or there is something I cant figure out.

 

This network says at the top of the page "you are not alone" but it sure feels like it. I just dont get it-there are supposedly so many with brain injury and I dont know any, and after being on this site for a month and not one person that has been here taking the time to respond, I dont see any reason to waste any more time here. I am a member on a ptsd website and it is nothing like this, however, its not about head injury.

[Debbie Wilson]

Mary, I would love to make friends with you but I don't know how to do it. Will you see from your end?

[mary lutz]

Debbie I think you are right. I am really enjoying the people I am meeting here. There is incredible strength. I send you a friend request -I hope you get that in your messages as I am still learning to navigate.

[Marih Alyn-Claire]

Brenda, yes getting out of ourselves, our heads..the marsh of desolation and despair. It takes courage to face the hard truth about the condition of our life.  But there is no way around it.  Life is life and we either get on living it, or we drown in it.  The choice is ours.  Holiday time strikes a cord in most everyone--the memories, regrets, losses.  Things didn't  turn out the way we had envisioned.  My bigest challenge is not what happed to me but how I choose to deal with it.  Today---I try and find someone else to listen to refocusing  my attention  on their needs, situation and getting away from my sorrows and grief.

 I had to learn how to create happiness for myself each day and share it in some small way with another person.  Life is difficult for human beings, but I can make it impossible when I alow myself to slip into a mental or emotional sink-hole.  I love to look at things of beauty: flowers, art, clothing, nature, animals, people laughing and babies smiling back at me. 

I love your image.  Thank you for sharing it. Happy New Year!

blessings, 

Marih

[Debbie Wilson]

Mary, I so identify with everything you are saying and feeling. I was injured at 35 so that ws 22 years ago. I have wisdom today that I did not when I was 5 years out. I am the kind of friend who will tell you how it is, not what you want to here. Years ago when I had my injury there was nothing on the internet. My first injury was a MTBI and I was still pretty high functioning. I designed the first personal brain injury site on the net. I started writing poetry and trying to let others know they were not alone.
However, I can tell all my family is to busy to have me in their lives so I have had to learn to stay away because that is what they needed. I don't get to visit 7 of my 8 grandchildren. The neat thing is I get to live with one my grandson who thinks I put the stars and the moon in the sky. I sure never say that blessing coming. I think God just wanted me to have some relief for all the friends and family I have lost. Loss is a part of our injury. I believe though that loss can be turned into information to help others. God has a new plan for you and you will figure it out. If it is too much, do not do it. I am sure anyone who took the time to get to know the essence of you would be impressed! One other thing, if you can't find the info you need let me know, I will find it. Together we are stronger and team work is awesome!

[Debbie Wilson]

Mary, I so identify with everything you are saying and feeling. I was injured at 35 so that ws 22 years ago. I have wisdom today that I did not when I was 5 years out. I am the kind of friend who will tell you how it is, not what you want to here. Years ago when I had my injury there was nothing on the internet. My first injury was a MTBI and I was still pretty high functioning. I designed the first personal brain injury site on the net. I started writing poetry and trying to let others know they were not alone.
However, I can tell all my family is to busy to have me in their lives so I have had to learn to stay away because that is what they needed. I don't get to visit 7 of my 8 grandchildren. The neat thing is I get to live with one my grandson who thinks I put the stars and the moon in the sky. I sure never say that blessing coming. I think God just wanted me to have some relief for all the friends and family I have lost. Loss is a part of our injury. I believe though that loss can be turned into information to help others. God has a new plan for you and you will figure it out. If it is too much, do not do it. I am sure anyone who took the time to get to know the essence of you would be impressed! One other thing, if you can't find the info you need let me know, I will find it. Together we are stronger and team work is awesome!

[mary lutz]

Debbie, thanks for your reply, encouragement, and words or wisdom. Wow, you designed the first tbi site-that is very impressive, I am grateful to be able to navigate when I can. That is a great accomplishment and a gift to so many that would otherwise be without the needed information and support.

I am so glad that you are with your grandson. That can make a world of difference in our attitude. I know God has a new plan, and I am patiently trying to figure out what that is. I do have some ideas, but still trying to build some confidence. 

It sounds like you have adapted very well and accept any limitations that you encounter. I am coming to realize that is the key, as I still try to do things that are difficult for me, and then tire when my organizational skills fail me, so I lean on my sense of humor and that usually carries me through.

[Debbie Wilson]

Mary, As long as you can laugh at yourself you really will be alright. That one came far too late in the game for me. Acceptance is a hard thing. However, fighting the inevitable is a great waste of needed energy!

mary lutz said:

Debbie, thanks for your reply, encouragement, and words or wisdom. Wow, you designed the first tbi site-that is very impressive, I am grateful to be able to navigate when I can. That is a great accomplishment and a gift to so many that would otherwise be without the needed information and support.

I am so glad that you are with your grandson. That can make a world of difference in our attitude. I know God has a new plan, and I am patiently trying to figure out what that is. I do have some ideas, but still trying to build some confidence. 

It sounds like you have adapted very well and accept any limitations that you encounter. I am coming to realize that is the key, as I still try to do things that are difficult for me, and then tire when my organizational skills fail me, so I lean on my sense of humor and that usually carries me through.

[Scott P. Cole]

Debbie-

Nice, nice awareness:  "as I still try to do things that are difficult for me, and then tire when my organizational skills fail me, so I lean on my sense of humor and that usually carries me through."  That is one of the keys to moving along with this *nutty* condition and its surprise-manifestations;  it can make things so much easier.

 

Sorry to hear that it came "late[r] in the game" for you, Debbie.  The struggle for self-acceptance *is* quite the energy burner.  Personally, after a pretty severe injury, I was grateful to be self-aware enough to realize that I was lost, my decision-making skills were pretty maimed, and I needed help.  And whereas I had so many personal friendships and other relationships radically change or disappear due to TBI, there *was* a pocket of folks that stood near to me through the unpredictability of early recovery...until I could form some post-trauma support.

 

Love you guys, your hearts, as you piece together your new lives... 

[Debbie Wilson]

I have found in my most isolating times, going to visit a sick child makes the isolation disappear. Kids are majic when it comes to bringing you out of yourself.

[Debbie Gibbons]

http://www.brainbalancecenters.com/what-is-functional-disconnection...

[Vicky Varichak]

It's interesting that the topic of brain balancing came up, I just found out last week that a Therapist I know and respect has started this type of treatment in Missoula, Mt.  Here's a link for the website;

http://www.brainstatetech.com/affiliate_info/us/betterbrainmt

This type of treatment seems very promising for TBI and many other brain dysfunctions.

[Lee Phillip Lincoln]

The best fix I've found is a natural one that will finally be acceptable if Ron Paul is elected president...which I PRAY happens