Is the lack of motivation depression or something else.

I have no motivation at all. It is all I can do to get out of bed and take care of my dogs. I have a tv and my laptop in my bedroom, and I eventually wonder down and get a peanut butter sadwich or something every day.

I dont like to go out. In the summer, I do like to be in the yard and will do things and then play with my dogs and sit outside as well. But I still prefer to stay home. Im getting worse and not better.

My tbi was mild, but one of several. I was out only a few minutes, checked out at the hospital and sent home, later to discover a broken rib and collapsed lung. I had no rehab or any treatment. Since I am divorced and have no family, I was left to manage work, house and two teen daughters and get them off to college. Eventually I became so depressed that I broke.

So while they say it is mild and know I should be grateful, Im afraid to do anything. I have gone for therapy and been told that I have ptsd but its from childhood. This has made me think of all the childhood things that most would not find traumatic but some definate unpleasantness, yet things I was fine with pre tbi. Frankly, I think dwelling on the past has created depression that I cant recover from.

I also have a lot of physical pain that has not healed and have given up. I cant see things ever getting better and I hate myself for not being stronger and more like those of you on here that have it worse and work hard everyday to overcome. I feel very ashamed of this too

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I do think lack of motivation is from being depressed. However, being depressed is certainly from the TBI. So I guess lack of motivation is from your TBI. I suffered a severe TBI in 1995 in a bicycle (me) vs pick-up truck (not me) collision. My helmet is the only reason I am alive. I was not motivated to do anything really for a few years, until I got so f!@#$%^ pissed-off at how s!@##$ my life was that I had to make improvements. I contemplated suicide, but I figured I'd probably screw that up and end-up worse off than I am now. Plus, I hate pain and I couldn't figure a painless way to kill myself.

I still, to this day, have bouts of absolute non-motivation (I  absolutely don't want to do anything.) I force myself to go into town once per day now, even if it is just to the public library (that may have to change however, with the price of gas.)

Maybe you should move your TV and laptop out of your bedroom and put them downstairs or someplace you have to get out of bed in order to get to. Do not hate yourself for not being "strong" and do not feel ashamed. You are a single mother, working, and raising two teenage daughters, that's pretty damn good even without having an injured brain. Throw in a TBI and you are already "stronger" than a large percentage of the non-TBI population. I had a hell of a time just raising a feral cat that was born under my house. Hell, you should be proud! You are doing something that many people can't do with brains that aren't injured. 

I don't know what to say about the pain you are in, except that it sucks and you just have to learn to live with it. The gums on the left side of my mouth have hurt like hell since 1995, but...I just think they hurt. What I mean is: the area of my brain that is wired to, or responsible for, or attached to, or whatever my left side gums is injured. My brain thinks it is receiving a "something is painfully wrong" message from my gums, but my gums are not sending that message. The result is: my gums hurt like hell but there is not a damn thing I can do about it, except learn to live with it. I'm a slow learner, but I am learning. I don't have much of a choice really.

You can't give-up, because you just never know what will happen.

 I had virtually NO problems from 2010 TBI and then like a demotivational bomb went off late 2011 and depression set in.  Suddenly I have agoraphobia:  I am very ashamed as well and will not leave the residence unless absolutely necessary.  I can't see things getting better. I loved who I used to be.  I don't know who I am anymore and frankly I don't want to know her, she is unreliable, unpredicatble and unruly.  Now I am ashamed to be me.  It's just horrible.  I feel your pain..."can't recover"

I have found that when I feel un-motivated, it helps to find one *small* thing to do that will eventually pull me out of it.

So.... what do you miss?

Pick a very small thing  (planting a flower, reading a poem, taking a short walk, playing an instrument) and do it. 

You've been through a lot. Sometimes, simple things will do wonders.

Very, very be ashamed.. you are a survivor. You are getting better and that's all that matters. Finding small things to do really does make a difference.

Geo I know you are right about moving things out of the bedroom. I guess I just feel safest here. I am sorry that you are having such pain too. I cant imagine that a head injury exists without pain to follow. My injury was 6 years ago so my teens are now gone and I am alone with my dogs that I do love.

I feel so lost that I find myself asking people who I was before all of this. They tell me I was a good mom, juggleing orthodontist, soccer games, church, band, chorus, volunteering , work, school, and elderly mother, etc. Now I feel like a useless empty shell and a burden. Dawn like you, always motivated, enthusiastic, and ready for tomorrow. After I was just overwhelmed until I cut everything out of my life. I dont have full agoraphobia but I think I border on it. When I do go out, I feel like Im going to panic.

HM I so wish that I wanted to do anything, small or large. I miss the feeling inside me, I miss the internal rewards of feeling like today made a difference. Each day, I feel that nothing makes a difference. I did vacuum today, and my oldest daughter came over for coffee. We had a heart to heart talk. I try to hold back but my tears come. I feel like I have nothing to offer.

Richard, I wish I could say that I am getting better but I am not. I am ashamed that I am not. Last week I went to a celebrate recovery group at church, but I dont think knows me. I feel so unworthy of anything good. My therapist said this accident was suppose to happen to me and my family has a curse from generations back.

Sometimes I am unable to share here because I admire the strenght that I see and dont want to be negative, yet I wish my body would have died because my soul did. I am like an empty shell. I have been crying since Whitney Houston died and dont know why. My whole life, I have always been able to reframe things to find the positive or the silver lining. Today I dont feel deserving of the air I breathe. I want to go to sleep and never wake up and I hate myself for feeling this way. Im sorry to be in such a bad way and dont want to bring others down. I just cant find a purpose to life.

Mary, we have never met but the words that appear before me describe exactly what it is like to be me.  Amazing and so sad for both of us and who knows how many others. 

This is coming as such a huge shock to me.  I used to be an on-call hospice RN.  That meant that every other week anytime a patient of family of a dying patient needed something outside the hours of Monday - Friday 8-5 then I was the person responsible for resolving the problem.  Having never married and no roommate for more than 25 years, I was the go to girl for anything related to responsibility in my life.

I suppose I was recovering so well that the medical field failed to inform me or my family of any longer effects.  Those effects didn't occur until March 2011 (MVA was April 2010).  I have always been a productive member of society.  I didn't know that wasn't a realistic goal after the TBI, no one told me.  There was no follow up or therapist since June 2010.  I don't know what happened.

I've been fired twice now, unemployed, house foreclosed on - now I live 4 states away from family with no medical insurance - medicare was never applied for , disability, food stamps - nothing has ever been applied for.  I contacted TXBIA and they gave me two phone numbers.  There are no meetings or support groups or doctors.   How did this happen???

Thanks for a place to say this.  Sooo sad.

 

Dawn, yes a go to girl, now who can go for us? It is very hard to accept and when I do make the call for help, never available, get voicemail. When the call is returned, I forget what I was going to ask. Time passes. More time passes. Years pass. Out of the past 6 months of support groups, 4 have cancelled. Was sick one, went to one.

Im not an athlete or vet, just a mother who has raised children and contributed to society for working for those less fortunate for a low wage but it made me feel good. Never have wanted for a lot. There is no rehab for a person like me. I have no confidence left.

Yes we do have a lot in common. Its not unusual that I go 3 days without eating. I have to budget dog food and prescriptions. It is no wonder that Americans are selling their presciptions on the black market. I learned early whay the elderly know, eat or medicate? Then the ER dr looks at you like your psychotic because you cant seem to budget. Budget what? West Virginia Sucks when it comes to TBI. They are as big of hillbillies as the media makes them out to be. Only met one dr in morgantown that had explaination.

Im sorry to rant and rave. I want to want to live, but right now I dont. I hate myself for not having the resilience that I have had all my life. Im old and tired now. If I could get up, Id just get knocked back down. I dont know how this happened, but its inhumane. Do you ever feel like the medical profession doesnt know what to do so they pretend we dont exist?

First of all you, or anyone who has suffered a TBI, have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed, unless of course you intentionally gave yourself a TBI to show that you could deal with it better than anyone else. I don't think you did that. It's only been six years since your injury. That's like ten minutes in "brain recovery" time. It took a good 8-9 years after I suffered my TBI for the "old me" to begin to rear its ugly head. It's still coming out, and it's been 16+ years since my accident. I will never be the same. The "old me" did die on September 15, 1995. The new me was born, and I do mean born, on that same day. I will never be the same. It took me 10-15 years to realize that. But the guy born on that day is learning to be the "new me." Sometimes I don't like the "new me" but I didn't like the "old me" sometimes either. It's part of being human.

For the first 10 or 11 years after my crash, I couldn't deal with large groups of people. I'd get nervous, headaches, and I just wanted to leave. But that went away with time. Before my crash, I was kind of a loner so I can't really say a whole lot about that. I also could not deal with little kids (I have a bunch of nieces and nephews) for the first 10 years or so. They were to noisy and wouldn't sit still. I just wanted them to shut-up and leave me alone. Little kids don't bother me at all now.

"My therapist said this accident was suppose to happen to me and my family has a curse from generations back."

I don't know the context in which that was said and I don't know what "therapist" said it and maybe I've got it all wrong, but when I did read it I thought your "therapist" should be shot. That statement is so f!@#$%^ wrong, lame, ignorant, harmful, etc. that I am shocked that he or she is not in prison already for...something. No one should ever listen to that poor excuse for a person again.

I am pretty sure your two daughters, even though they are gone...now, can find a purpose for your life. I know your dogs can find a purpose in your life - don't discount that at all. I'm assuming your daughters will have kids and those kids will need a Grandma. Even if they don't have kids, you will always be "Mom" to them.

Everything and anything having to do with the brain recovering or healing takes a long time. I mean a l---o---n---g time. I realize that can be a depressing thought but there is no way around it. Everything happens incredibly slowly. I have learned patience like you wouldn't believe. Hell, I don't believe it myself half the time.

DO NOT HATE YOURSELF - YOU HAVE NO REASON TO unless of course, you really did injure your brain on purpose. Then I'd hate you to. You are getting better, but things happen so slowly with the brain that you may not, probably don't, realize it. I sure didn't and still don't sometimes, but occasionally I will do something that I couldn't do before and I get all excited.



mary lutz said:

Geo I know you are right about moving things out of the bedroom. I guess I just feel safest here. I am sorry that you are having such pain too. I cant imagine that a head injury exists without pain to follow. My injury was 6 years ago so my teens are now gone and I am alone with my dogs that I do love.

I feel so lost that I find myself asking people who I was before all of this. They tell me I was a good mom, juggleing orthodontist, soccer games, church, band, chorus, volunteering , work, school, and elderly mother, etc. Now I feel like a useless empty shell and a burden. Dawn like you, always motivated, enthusiastic, and ready for tomorrow. After I was just overwhelmed until I cut everything out of my life. I dont have full agoraphobia but I think I border on it. When I do go out, I feel like Im going to panic.

HM I so wish that I wanted to do anything, small or large. I miss the feeling inside me, I miss the internal rewards of feeling like today made a difference. Each day, I feel that nothing makes a difference. I did vacuum today, and my oldest daughter came over for coffee. We had a heart to heart talk. I try to hold back but my tears come. I feel like I have nothing to offer.

Richard, I wish I could say that I am getting better but I am not. I am ashamed that I am not. Last week I went to a celebrate recovery group at church, but I dont think knows me. I feel so unworthy of anything good. My therapist said this accident was suppose to happen to me and my family has a curse from generations back.

Sometimes I am unable to share here because I admire the strenght that I see and dont want to be negative, yet I wish my body would have died because my soul did. I am like an empty shell. I have been crying since Whitney Houston died and dont know why. My whole life, I have always been able to reframe things to find the positive or the silver lining. Today I dont feel deserving of the air I breathe. I want to go to sleep and never wake up and I hate myself for feeling this way. Im sorry to be in such a bad way and dont want to bring others down. I just cant find a purpose to life.

Geo-I know you are right. No I did not get the brain injury on purpose. I was exiting a Kroger supermarket and th e night floor crew ran a machine past registers to door and then back. (no warning signs). Unknowingly, I went thru check out and upon exiting, hit the puddle of water that was left where the machine turns. I discovered this over a year later when Kroger choked up the survailance tape. Up until that time, they insisted signs were out, I wore bad shoes, etc. Eventually they starve you out and corporate wins by paying little to settle out of court. With hungry kids and no job-it usually works.

I feel worse than I did a year after it happened. I have constant rib pain, 2 herviated cervical discs w stenosis, loss of ability to use arms and strenght and pain related. PT coming up but sleep disorder causes me to miss appointments. I dont awake to alarms. When I go to sleep, I sleep 15 hrs if my dogs dont bark and wake me. My youngest daughter has not spoke to me in over 4 years. She wont. I  have finally gotten mad about it. She married a mormon idiot boy who controls her and he forbids her. I would write her 2 times a year and tell her I love and miss her. Two weeks ago I told her to have a happy life and f off. I know its wrong but its been 4 yrs and I thought that was patient.

We all are suffeering from the economy but I cant sell my house and cant keep up with it. My therapist believes that everything comes to us for a reason. In my struggles, she just thinks that there is a family curse many generations back and that is why so many things have happened in my family. GrandBaby died of sids, nephew quad from car accident and 18 yrs later shot to death in his bed by drug dealer, etc. Daughters car went up in flames and she got hurt, the list goes on. Im sorry, I feel nausea talking more. However, I must say that you do bring light to the situation-I supposse I know it takes long to heal. Im old and when I heal I will be ready for retirement Im afraid. How do you heal when there is no treatments though. I honestly dont know how and look for answers and become more confused. You ae wiser than I and thank you

Mary, that therapist does not sound compassionate...." a family curse" is quite unprofessional and of no use.

and YES! I do think they (medical community) don't know what to do with TBI patients.  In fact one of the strongest emotions I have is that I was betrayed by the community I was a part of.  I was a RN.  For the medical community not to instruct on the effects of a newly acquired chronic condition makes about as much sense as "curse".  Since I don't have any prescriptions that were written to deal with anxiety and depression then I don't have to chose between food and meds.  It's just that without a job there is very little food to eat.

What a mess!  I really appreciate this opportunity say stuff to someone understands.  May God Bless You!!!

And the phone, yeah! - when did I call and what did I call about....I am brain damaged....I don't know.  It was actually a relief when the phone was disconnected 'cuz I never know what is gonna come out my mouth! 

My first thoughts of suicide were within the first 2 months and no one ever asked about unusal urges or desires or mentioned that suicide was a huge risk of TBI survivors.  The only time someone voluntarily admits to suicidal thoughts usually means it's too late.

The life I had and the person I was died in that car crash it's just that the spirit has not left the empty vessel of a body yet. My cause of death should read "Medical community failed to inform patient of ANYTHING and her damaged brain was unable to cope without knowledge and help."

Fortunately I never had children.  I can't imagine how much more complicated that would be.  I hope that time heals your relationship with your daughter.  I am sorry Mary.

 

I hope this helps;

Symptoms of Depression

Not everyone who is depressed, experiences every symptom. Although it is often termed as 'MENTAL ILLNESS', clinical depression often has as many physical symptoms as mental. If these have been experienced for more than two weeks it is essential to seek help.

Some common symptom and sign of depression include:

Severity of Depression symptoms varies with individuals and also varies over time. Some of them may be as follows:

  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism.
  • You feel that life has/is 'passing you by'.
  • You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness.
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood.
  • You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy.
  • You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
  • You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
  • Loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
  • You feel a burden to others.
  • You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
  • You feel you have no confidence.
  • You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again.

Physical Symptoms of Depression include:

  • Changes in weight - either significant loss or gain in weight.
  • Restlessness, fatigue.
  • Physical aches and pains, sometimes with the fear that you are seriously ill.

Some more Severe Symptoms of Depression include:

  • Thoughts about death or suicide.
  • Increased heart beat
  • Poor concentration, memory or attention.

Common symptom of depression, as voiced by Hamlet: "How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world!"

If after reading this you think you might have depression - seek help! 

Dawn I am sorry with you for what you are going through. I understand about the phone. I am glad you have your computer-that is on our terms, when we can respond.

I really like my thereapist. I know she means no harm. I was working with her on divorce issues before the accidnent. I have had sad times in my life, but not anything compared to following tbi. Now we have brought up a childhood that I had been very settled with. What she means about it was suuppose to happen is that wherever we are, we are suppose to be in order to grow from it. It just doesnt help me.

Vicky I have most of those but am on anti depressant. I have cried days since Whitney Houston died. Makes little sense, I am just emotional. I cant afford to go back to therapy anymore

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