Feels like I've lost the plot, need to borrow some positivity and strength if you have any leftover

[Nico]

Ok, so the short of it-drunk driver hits me and beats the rap. Im left with a TBI, alienating friends/family, a separation, loss of a 6 figure income, depression/anxiety(sound familiar?), debts, and some post accident memories of behaviour thats hard to accept.

I need to know what it is everyone else is doing to cope aside from medicating-is there a mantra, a book, some higher power stuff?? anything at this point is appreciated, even if its something small, or big, or extreme

Thankyou

Nico

[Nico]

I appreciate your response/thoughts.I guess letting go is the hardest part. The whole ordeal seems impossible to accept. Sometimes I think it might be easier if I hadn't been successful in certain areas prev to the accident. obviously its not all about money, but when thats taken away plus mental health is impaired it seems like a brick wall. Now myself and my kids are left to accept and embrace the 'new me'. Always seems surreal when I confront it. Maybe time will help. Maybe being so distractible is a blessing because it prevents one from dwelling on negative things, actually all things. I don't know. If I had an enemy, I wouldn't wish this on them. Nothing else to do but move forward.

Thanks

[Polly Prisms]

Yes, we have felt it all!!!  Frustration, anger, impatience, fear, depression, anxiety, etc. Many things we used to do so easily and loved doing are suddenly so difficult or impossible to do! Suddenly, we don't have the emotional control we used to have. Suddenly, we have become more dependent.

We've gone through the feelings of anger that this happened and for what we have lost. We've felt the fear and depression that we will never get better, or as one man put it, "Is this as good as it gets?"

But it does get better. In fact, it can get a lot better, and you can rebuild your life. How you chose to rebuild it is your decision, a new palate to paint as you like.

As your brain heals and builds new connections - be kind and understanding to yourself; give yourself some slack - after all, you have a TBI! You need to rest more, take care of yourself and keep your anxiety level down to make the most of your progress. You will learn what works and doesn't work. Eventually, many or nearly all of the symptoms will subside.

After my accident, I could not read and comprehend more than three words, could not follow conversations, had no concept of time, and had forgotten how to do many normal activities like pay bills and shop for groceries. After a few years, however, I was finally able to start and maintain a very good business with my husband and eventually progress into business for myself. I can't predict how things will go for you, but I can say that things will get better.

Again, be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal.

[Richard J]

You have to believe in yourself. Finding peace in your mind is finding time to breathe. Meditation is not a key part of my life but when things seems crazy meditation helps me to level/balance myself instead of focusing on myself.  Recovery is a long strange trip (as one poet said) and in my humble opinion worrying about older friends, older experiences, my pre-injury life does not help me to recover. Play with a puppy/kitty, coo a baby, laugh at nothing, play an album you love but haven't heard in many years... listen to yourself.

[Nico]

thank you for the kind words and advise guys. 

[Slongo]

Small stuff I got. 

You know you have to live life one moment at a time.  I pray for the best for me and mine then try to accept life as it comes. I don't succeed a lot of the time.  I'm only human.

I wish I could remember how I handled it when it first happened.  I suspect I didn't handle it very well.  I must have seemed odd-but nobody , including myself, knew I was suffering from a head injury. 

You know when I realized I had survived a head injury?  Thirty years later.  My recovering brain or the force of life or the will of God or whatever carried me through.  But it wasn't pretty.   Looking back is easier.  Time heals.  After the accident, it was two years before I started taking logical steps. Three years after that I became an RN.  Thirty years after that, I remembered the accident.  Then, I started dealing with the fallout from that day. PTSD- grief- bipolar reaction.  I freaking flipped and had an emotional breakdown. 

Here's the kicker- who do you think believes you thirty years later?

I can answer that after several frustrating years.  Nobody.

The kindest thing anyone said to me was So What?  At first I was hurt.  But then later I realized it was a gift.

SO. (It happened) WHAT. (what am I going to do about it?)

Yeah, thirty-five years ago I lost the ability to hold new information for about two years.  Yeah, my personality changed.  Yeah, I sunk into a life that consisted of leaping from stone to stone across a wide, dark, churning river. But, eventually I landed on the other side.  You will too. 

Trust in whatever forces that may be, even if you go through places you don't want to be.  Your brain is healing even as you read this.  It takes time, but the brain is busy making new connections all the while. It's hard- but do whatever you must to be able to say SO WHAT?

I pray to whatever powers that be for me and mine- that includes you and everyone struggling with TBI. 

I feel like I belong here.

[Nico]

Thanks Slongo. Good to hear you managed to cross 'that river'. Sometimes I forget there's another side to it

[Bernadette Coleman]

Wow, can you help us. Share your story on http://www.trymunity.com

[Kimmy]

Hello Nico I am a TBI 4yr survivor and had recent minor head injury in Dec 2011 I am all too familiar with what your saying. For along time I have struggled with the "loss". The "loss" of who I was, my career, my identity, my family, the "loss" of total control of my life. It was a struggle for me after the first accident. I didn't have Doctors that were very proactive I had to rehab my own speech and walking. I struggled through as far as I possibly could take myself trying to create ways that I thought could help improve. In regards to fam and friends well never had a very strong friend bases and at that period in time had what I thought to be an unraveling of my family. I had a complex situation prior to the accident and it made everything so much more disheveled. I had to make a choice in life I knew that no one could start to heal from what had happened as things were and I was not able to improve what was possible and everyone was hurting so I ended up leaving my 25yr relationship/marriage and letting my children decide where they want to be living I was able to start to focus on what had helped me but yet was still stagnant in my recovery with no direction from Dr's. I basically put myself into Physical Therapy (when I was still living with my ex) to help with pain management had been through twice and "grad" out and now able to work out independently but I still have chronic pain of 6 or higher everyday but if I don’t maintain it worsens In Dec a lady ass-ended me and I suffered another head injury my speech regressed and I had to start right back on the table at PT and caused other mental strains I was so frustrated and mad at first to have came so very far and to set so far back I ended up being referred to a concussion center I didn’t understand why I had to go through all this but I realize now that there is a time for everything in life and I had to endure what I did to be strong enough and be able to self focus there would of been no way I could of been able to attend this clinic nor would I have been able to do the retraining of my mind and body that is needed for me to improve what is possible 4yrs ago. I personally believe that with "the bad" comes "the good" and like I always told my children 'sometimes you need to go through so pain before you get better'. I believe.. 'it's important that everyone has some kind of unobtainable dreams to feel alive inside' co.kh It still gets hard on days but i think that why we have music and why I have the leisure now to paint which soothes my mind and soul also to find places like these where you can find others with struggles to help with ideas and encouragement. May today be a good day and if ya need to vent my message box is at the top corner of my page :)  All the best to you

Kimmy

[Kimmy]

I was hit with the PTSD bombshell along with a wonderful side of Bi-polar also after my TBI lol  I was a nurse for 12yrs working towards beinging my RN schooling with an assocaites degree  I was totally unaware of some of the repressed flashbacks and was none too happy to start reliving the ones that I had buried so many years ago. The person I was did die and now I am still getting to know who the hell I am now, most she's ok hahaha When I recieved my second head injury thats when I had a pretty bad breakdown but God keeps me here for some purpose I now know I am just searching for what it is :) May today be a good day and please feel free to hit up me message box :)

Kimmy
 
Slongo said:

Small stuff I got. 

You know you have to live life one moment at a time.  I pray for the best for me and mine then try to accept life as it comes. I don't succeed a lot of the time.  I'm only human.

I wish I could remember how I handled it when it first happened.  I suspect I didn't handle it very well.  I must have seemed odd-but nobody , including myself, knew I was suffering from a head injury. 

You know when I realized I had survived a head injury?  Thirty years later.  My recovering brain or the force of life or the will of God or whatever carried me through.  But it wasn't pretty.   Looking back is easier.  Time heals.  After the accident, it was two years before I started taking logical steps. Three years after that I became an RN.  Thirty years after that, I remembered the accident.  Then, I started dealing with the fallout from that day. PTSD- grief- bipolar reaction.  I freaking flipped and had an emotional breakdown. 

Here's the kicker- who do you think believes you thirty years later?

I can answer that after several frustrating years.  Nobody.

The kindest thing anyone said to me was So What?  At first I was hurt.  But then later I realized it was a gift.

SO. (It happened) WHAT. (what am I going to do about it?)

Yeah, thirty-five years ago I lost the ability to hold new information for about two years.  Yeah, my personality changed.  Yeah, I sunk into a life that consisted of leaping from stone to stone across a wide, dark, churning river. But, eventually I landed on the other side.  You will too. 

Trust in whatever forces that may be, even if you go through places you don't want to be.  Your brain is healing even as you read this.  It takes time, but the brain is busy making new connections all the while. It's hard- but do whatever you must to be able to say SO WHAT?

I pray to whatever powers that be for me and mine- that includes you and everyone struggling with TBI. 

I feel like I belong here.

[Slongo]

Yes!  Repressed memories would surface every once in awhile but I didn't have any context.  It was like---what the hell? 

I vaguely remembered hitting my head on the window--except I didn't. I just had heard a crunch at impact and thought it was the window, but the window wasn't broken.  I figured I hadn't hit it as hard as I thought and had just stressed the glass to it's breakage limit, but not beyond.  But no, it was my skull crunching.  We weren't wearing seat belts.  It wasn't required by law and we were 20 years old and going to live forever.   I crashed into the A-frame at the top left corner where the side-window frame joins the windshield frame.  I know this because I presented a program at a high school-- how car accidents are the main cause of death in teenagers. I did a lot of research for that presentation and I still didn't snap for years.  Every once in awhile I would have a flash of mysterious fear driving my car at night and stopping at T-intersections.  I had a fear of being nailed from the left but i didn't know why. 

My passenger tore off the rear view mirror with her forehead and the lower dashboard was broken by her knee.  What I didn't realize then was that all unrestrained people in a car accident follow the same trajectory.  A ten o'clock impact on the left front corner of a car at thirty miles an hour can only result in UP and OVER and TO the LEFT or DOWN and UNDER and TO THE LEFT.  Dur, on my part.

I'm really glad I became an RN so I gained a good understanding of the mechanics and physics of car accidents before the memory blew me out of the water.  Previous to that,  I worked as a cocktail waitress, a gas station attendant, another gas station where one night I locked up and put a sign on the door that said CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS and just walked away. It was a 24 hour station.  I just never went back.I  figured out at one time that I had worked at least twenty-five jobs that I could recall within three years.

I was talking to my 83 year old mother a couple days ago and she said she could remember her and my dad coming to visit me at some job and they would inform them that I hadn't shown up for a week. I figured out at one time that I had worked at least twenty-five jobs that I could recall within three years.  I started at a Arts and Science degree before going into nursing, got good grades but quit after one year.  I somehow, I don't really recall, got a grant from the State of Iowa, to go to a community college for nursing.  I remember living on food stamps.

I lived in a basement at one time. The first year after or the second.  I thought I lived there alone but a high school friend, I had one or two before the accident, said she lived there with me.  I don't recall that.  I don't remember where I was working when the accident happened. I know it was either Montgomery Ward, Walgreen's or anther department store I don't remember the name of.  My mom is reluctantly trying to believe me. She told me I lived with some other girl that I don't recall.

I was freaking out a few years ago, mainly because no one believed me.  As a nurse, I thought it was pretty goddamned interesting.  I've only cried about it three times since I recalled the accident, like five years ago. 

It feels like it happened to someone else and I'm kind of detached from it.  I always thought I just pulled myself up by my bootstraps like my father finally told me to.  That was how I explained the personality change from shy and needy to sort of aggressive but solitary and I didn't give a rat's azz anymore. 

So why do I think about it every freaking day?  I even started writing to get everything down as I remembered it.

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone.

Kimmy said:

I was hit with the PTSD bombshell along with a wonderful side of Bi-polar also after my TBI lol  I was a nurse for 12yrs working towards beinging my RN schooling with an assocaites degree  I was totally unaware of some of the repressed flashbacks and was none too happy to start reliving the ones that I had buried so many years ago. The person I was did die and now I am still getting to know who the hell I am now, most she's ok hahaha When I recieved my second head injury thats when I had a pretty bad breakdown but God keeps me here for some purpose I now know I am just searching for what it is :) May today be a good day and please feel free to hit up me message box :)

Kimmy
 
Slongo said:

Small stuff I got. 

You know you have to live life one moment at a time.  I pray for the best for me and mine then try to accept life as it comes. I don't succeed a lot of the time.  I'm only human.

I wish I could remember how I handled it when it first happened.  I suspect I didn't handle it very well.  I must have seemed odd-but nobody , including myself, knew I was suffering from a head injury. 

You know when I realized I had survived a head injury?  Thirty years later.  My recovering brain or the force of life or the will of God or whatever carried me through.  But it wasn't pretty.   Looking back is easier.  Time heals.  After the accident, it was two years before I started taking logical steps. Three years after that I became an RN.  Thirty years after that, I remembered the accident.  Then, I started dealing with the fallout from that day. PTSD- grief- bipolar reaction.  I freaking flipped and had an emotional breakdown. 

Here's the kicker- who do you think believes you thirty years later?

I can answer that after several frustrating years.  Nobody.

The kindest thing anyone said to me was So What?  At first I was hurt.  But then later I realized it was a gift.

SO. (It happened) WHAT. (what am I going to do about it?)

Yeah, thirty-five years ago I lost the ability to hold new information for about two years.  Yeah, my personality changed.  Yeah, I sunk into a life that consisted of leaping from stone to stone across a wide, dark, churning river. But, eventually I landed on the other side.  You will too. 

Trust in whatever forces that may be, even if you go through places you don't want to be.  Your brain is healing even as you read this.  It takes time, but the brain is busy making new connections all the while. It's hard- but do whatever you must to be able to say SO WHAT?

I pray to whatever powers that be for me and mine- that includes you and everyone struggling with TBI. 

I feel like I belong here.

[Queenie Alexander]

Sound like you need to find a place to start. This forum is a good place, but I can recommend this really helpful book that you can download free, by chapters.

http://www.tbiguide.com/

 Traumatic Brain Injury Survival Guide, by Dr Glen Johnson, (Clinical Neuropsychologist)

The less medication the better, unless you suffer from epilepsy or some other diagnosis.  Nearly all psych meds slow you down when slowness and tiredness are already problems.  Exercise is good for you.  Joining things at a level you can handle is good too.  A lot of people with brain injury are found to be low in Vitamin D as well, so maybe look into that - but only take recommended dosage.  Music that you can stand is really helpful and I think singing and getting singing lessons if you find you can't stay in tune any more, is very good for posture, attention and self-monitoring.

best,

[ned bane jr., M.S.]

Hi. I'm Ned. I'd bet the ranch there are a lot of folks on this site who empathize with you. I'm kind of an odd ssort I guess, because I'm first a survivor of comatose injury and, second, a psychological therapist. I can't do much about myself (the physician-heal-thyself kind of thing) but I'll jsut put out a little information here - good news and bad news, I guess. First, teh bad news. About 77 percent of marriages don't survive brain injury. I lost a career. I was a newspaper journalist for 16 years and had to give up that beloved profession because the cognitive deficits didn't allow me to process al the collateral information a reporter takes in. I lost a house and a car because I couldn't work. ... Try not to set your sights for recovery too high, The farther we get in the hole, the more we want to leap all the way out in one leap. That only leads to frustration. Don't forget to give yourself crdedit for small victories. Hell, if your depressed enough some days getting out of bed and grooming is a victory. Don't cheat yourself. You're here seeking help. That counts. It doesn't take to much to slip into horrid self-isolation. ..... my best to you , ned bane