Embarrassed about my TBI

[Angela Betancourt]

I recently gave my email address to someone who doesn't know about my TBI yet.  I planned to carefully fill him in. Then I Google searched the email address & this site was the 1st thing that popped up.  I've never been ashamed of my injury until now.  

 

As I continue to heal I find myself disassociating with this community.  Because it is an invisible injury and I have no physical issues, the smile behind the glossy photos can pass as just another girl.  I find myself striving to rejoin the Just-Another-Girl community and identifying less with the victim-mentality that is so prevalent among we Survivors.

[Sara]

Angela,

 

Sometimes it is good to step away from it all and try to live as "normal" life as possible.  At what point do you star a conversation or have a whole conversation without saying you have a TBI? I think the fact that you don't want to have a victim mentality is a GOOD thing, however there is nothing wrong with wanting support from those who understand as well.  Don't feel bad that you want to heal and move forward with your life.  Take care and hang in there!

[Sherry brill]

You are mourning the loss of "you." we all go through this. No one can see this except tbi survivors. You want to be as you were before the tbi and you can come close possibly but not 100%. You want to have the normalcy of people without tbi's. You can't have it and that's why you want to withdrawal from the community.tbi is part of your every day life so u need to talk about it every day. But people can't see a tbi unless u tell them. it make you different. Don't think you don't belong to society because you do. You need people you can trust to talk about your tbi. Not everyone needs to know. Don't go looking for sympathy from strangers. Look for strength from friends and family. You will get through this stage. It may come back but then you will know how to conquer it. Not everyone is willing to mourn your loss and they shouldn't have to. Come to us, the tbi survivors for help.we have been there and know exactly how you feel. You can contact me on facebook-sherry Harrison brill or call. My number is posted on facebook. You will get through this. You don't have to go through it alone.

[Abbie Clayton]

it is hard, people cannot see whats going on inside, we have to keep moving forward and always be improving never be embarrassed be proud that is what i get our my brain injury community I maybe different not better or worse just different and we work on embrasing it and living our dreams..things happen to all of us its what we do with it myself i don't feel like a victim it sucks and and i get mad sometimes but i really try to focus on what now, but its my fellow brain injury friends and the support and advocacy groups for brain injury that i attend that saved my life I wish you the best and in time i hope it is better than the best )

[phil espinoza]

continued....I get out and talk with many of the handicapped neighbors......the exposure takes me out of my "box"  Let's me see how the rest of the world makes it everyday.......anyway...let me stop yakking...sorry bout that!  Phil

[Sherry brill]

You could also be going through post traumatic stress of your injury. You may need a psychologist/therapist. I know I have many days that I can't leave the house. I have no reason but I can't. I know I will just geek out if I step through my door. There are meds to help. You are no longer a victim-that is part of your past. You must live in the present which is very hard to do with your invisible symptoms. Find someone to talk to that understands what you're going through. Healing from a tbi is 2steps forward 1step back. Just when you think you're doing better your symptoms will get worse and you think you have to start all over again. Just remember you are not alone with this. We can help each other through the bad times. When your having a better time try to help someone else.it will warm your heart

[Nate]

I call that isolating and I do so much of that myself I try to fight it but sometimes its not that easy

[phil espinoza]

But really, it is harder on some days. But i was telling you of myself getting out of my box. I saw a young girl, maybe 23-25 years old at a department store yesterday. She was missing bothlegs...and just "trying to be as normal as possible...regardless...this is the REALITY I SEE THAT WAKES ME UP SOMETIMES. The fact is tbat life can be brutal at times...but people find the inner-strength to survive as normal as possible...it was a wake-up call for me!

[Sherry brill]

Yes u always see that someone has it worse than we do. People without a tbi like to point it out to us. But we still go back to "why me?" stage. When I look back I see how great my life used to be. I am a RN. I was helping hundreds of people and now I can't help myself. The hardest thing for me was the realization that I will never go back to "sherry before the accident" I mourned that for a long time and still do occasionally. Just when I start to feel good, I can wake up and feel as bad as when I first got out of the hospital. The dizziness and headaches will be 10x worse. This back and forth feeling can drive you to depression. That's why we need medication and someone to talk to.

[Sherry brill]

I apologize for using the wrong pronoun. I am not depressed. Yes I have bad days but I deal. I'm a girl so a good cry can make things so much better just to let it out. I worked a lot of psyche as a nurse. It was pretty easy to see when someone needs some medication to help them. I wasn't prescribing them. I believed she should see someone and together they would decide what would be best for her. Do I take medication- yes. I wouldn't be able to leave my house without it. Do I have pain? Yes if I do anything. Sitting up too long is painful since I broke my C2. Do I take pain medication-yes. I take a mild pain pill. I don't want to be stoned all day every day. On really bad days I will take 2 pills for the day. That's all I'm prescribed. If I still hurt I deal with it. I have daily headaches that turn to migraines. My ears ring all day every day. I have 100 dizzy spells every day. I prob will never be able to work as a nurse again. I geek out with stress. All tbi survivors are just like you and me. Their past life is gone just like ours. U sound very angry. I know it's just another symptom of tbi. U choose to suffer with ur symptoms, I don't. I have people I can talk to and people I can cry with and people who can make me feel special when I need it.

[phil espinoza]

SHERRY...A good cry is something we can all use sometimes! i have a 28 year old daughter and 30 year o,d son who have pretty much decided not to talk with me anymore...simp,y put, they have moved on with their lives, and don't want to deal with me and my TBI. I had, and still have to "let go" of them since they choose to move on without me...but truthfully, having to deal with my TBI AND IT'S SYMPTOMS dominates my whole life. Somehow, we have to learn how to accept our ever-changing new " self". When I feel down..i pray for "strength...having Hope and seeing beyond the pain at eventual "peace of mind and acceptance"..."We are Survivors-we have proven that by our Surviving a "Traumatic Brain Injury"". "We are Strong - We Are Survivors".

[Sherry brill]

I am so sorry. A tbi is hard enough to mourn but to mourn the loss of ur kids is worse. They may come back someday. I will pray that they do. I had to cope with losing all of my belongings because of the accident. I still miss my "stuff". It was hard. I can't imagine not having my kids. I don't see them enough but they're a phone call away. My tbi dominates my whole life also. How can it not? I never know if I'm going to be able to sleep at night. If I will have a good day or bad. I can't handle any kind of stress. I will get a migraine immediately. I was a very strong person before my accident. I was well respected for my strength. U could throw any kind of stress at me and I handled it. I feel so weak now. I have lost all my coping mechanisms. A tbi feels like one step forward then two steps back. If u would like I will try to help u on ur bad days. I've done a lot of therapy as my job required. I'm a good listener and I don't judge. I also keep all private. U can contact me on facebook or call. It's easier to talk to someone who understands. We need to stick together. I can always use another friend. I could also talk with ur wife. I'm sure she had a lot to deal with also. I am discreet what one says I will not tell the other without permission. I'm hoping this is why I survived, so I can help others like me. I'm good at it.

[Angela Betancourt]

It's truly exciting to see the active dialogue that my post has prompted.  The update from here is that I'm all about employing strategies to help me problem solve.  Here's what I've come up with: 

 

-- I created another email address that is not associated with any TBI correspondence, to regain the control of telling my prospects on my own terms.

-- I've been on NYU Langone hospital's wait list for psycho-therapy since January.  I should have done this much sooner, but I'm taking my mental health into my own hands and have begun interviewing therapist outside of the hospital.  I've made psycho-therapy a priority.

-- I appreciate Sherry's comment that I'm mourning the loss of "me" and agree that the three support groups I attend monthly here in New York City is very helpful, to be embraced by fellow survivors who understand firsthand what I'm going through.

 

Thanks all for your feedback, your compassionate words are appreciated,

Angela