I am looking for someone who has experienced something similar to my husband that he could talk to so he could have someone to relate to. He was hit by a car while on a bike when he was 12, had a miraculous recovery and all thought he was 100% recovered. Fast forward to 2009 and many jobs later: it was discovered that he has residual effects that have hindered him being able to retain a job. He has had several. He is not bad enough to file for disability, has been getting help from the Dept. of Rehab to find and retain work, found a job, tried hard at it, but they just let him go on Friday. He is struggling with the reality of not being able to provide for our family. I returned to work after being home with our girls for 16 years. We are struggling to make it and are really not sure how we are going to do it. Anyone out there discover after many years that they are not the person they thought they were? Also, if anyone knows of other sites/forums that I might try going to, please let me know.  Thank you! 

 

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we can find us if we keep trying, it is hard because it is someone we don't recognize

Wow quite a story , and I know several people with the bike accident. So he is not at all alone. My story starts when I was about 2 or 3 yrs old in a single car accident. I have a metal plate and a piece of the truck handle still there. I am 38 yrs old and I remeber everything. I was not ever told growing up that I was different, or even had a disability. My parents hid it out of thier own shame. I was suppose to have a new plate put in as I was growing and it never happened. You can just imagine all the difficulties I have been expierancing. So now I have been trying to recieve social security and I am having trouble getting a CT scan for free because I have not worked in 4 or so years, no heathcare insurance, nada...no income means no money. The local state hospital keeps putting me on a 3 month waiting list and I can't because I do not have apermanent residence because I have no income I can't pay rent either, so I keep loosing my spot in line and I have been doing this for almost 2 years. TEXAS has nothing for people like me. I am a research participant at the Brain Center for Health in Dallas, Tx and they offered me 5 free MRI's but I cannot have them because of the Metal plate and they told me that I am on my own to find a CT or PET scan. I know the problem with our situation is that the people that are suppose to be caring ARE IN THE WRONG JOB because they do not care, do not have compassion, and are UNWILLING to help those who are in need. The only time they are helpfull is because either themselves or someone they care about has a disability. DARS won't help me either. The only way I found a lawyer for my social security case is by REACH of Dallas and I even went to downtown to the free lawyer place and they turned me away. Just keep going and keep pressing something always turns up eventually. I searched for 3 years before I found the Brain Center.I will keep you and your family in my prayers, Aho!

Few similarities, except: I too am a TBI victor!  As written for every single body... necessarily possessing a head, my story was written for you!  While not meaning to disenfranchise married bodies, divorced bodies, THE ILIAD of the ODD D.C. was written to help the able-bodied contingency really understand and >GET-IT,< without their needing to "do" "Traumatic Brain Injury" and to loose all the associated capacities:  Capabilities and all the other adjunctive contingencies!  NO AMOUNT OF TIME, OR INTENSITY OF THERAPY CAN, OR WILL BECOME A COMPENSATION FOR WHAT MAY HAVE OR WAS LOST!  It sounds as though >you< need nomination for a Noble Peace Prize...

My publisher would really beam to know that she contributed in so profound a capacity!  "Mother's House Publishing!"  Her name is Ms. Jacqueline Haag!  I'd just had to write it!  The Iliad of the Odd D.C.

 

 

 

It really, really needs to be read!  And not just by any-body.  It really must needs to be read by every single body: with a head!  And married bodies, and divorced bodies, and bodies "still-on-the-fence!"

 

Wow! That would be cool, to actualy Make a difference for others. What a dream.



David Cole said:

Few similarities, except: I too am a TBI victor!  As written for every single body... necessarily possessing a head, my story was written for you!  While not meaning to disenfranchise married bodies, divorced bodies, THE ILIAD of the ODD D.C. was written to help the able-bodied contingency really understand and >GET-IT,< without their needing to "do" "Traumatic Brain Injury" and to loose all the associated capacities:  Capabilities and all the other adjunctive contingencies!  NO AMOUNT OF TIME, OR INTENSITY OF THERAPY CAN, OR WILL BECOME A COMPENSATION FOR WHAT MAY HAVE OR WAS LOST!  It sounds as though >you< need nomination for a Noble Peace Prize...

My publisher would really beam to know that she contributed in so profound a capacity!  "Mother's House Publishing!"  Her name is Ms. Jacqueline Haag!  I'd just had to write it!  The Iliad of the Odd D.C.

 

 

 

It really, really needs to be read!  And not just by any-body.  It really must needs to be read by every single body: with a head!  And married bodies, and divorced bodies, and bodies "still-on-the-fence!"

 

I am so sorry you have been struggling with this situation.  Nothing about the loss of a job is simple.  And the grief involved in something like a brain injury takes a lot of energy. Even delayed grief.  

Can you identify WHAT is happening when your husband is let go?  Employers are sometimes 'cagey' about this stuff, but can you figure out what the common denominator is? Employers are SUPPOSED to make reasonable concessions for employees with disabilities (but that can be 'masked' in many ways and isn't always the case).  My own husband was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome a number of years ago, which makes it very difficult to flip from client to client--that worked FINE early in his career--it fit the mold his employers wanted... but now, it is a hindrance  to the current workplace.  Obviously, he has had aspergers all of his life, but the 'coping skills' he had in place did not keep up with the current situation.  He was downsized 3 times.  He lost a job at the 30 year mark--same company.  Hurtful.  Painful.  And costly... 

My encouragement to you is this... sit down and be honest with your husband-not an easy task.  Line up what he is GREAT at, and things that are not so good.  Example:  My husband is in his own world.  Give him a task and the world falls away... he is ALL IN. That is great in a one project/job world, but take one thing out of the equation and he is toasted. Maybe it is time to step away from the CAREER and work something minimal.  Why?  There are MANY people out there who have had to take on 'less than' jobs.  Unemployment is a huge problem right now, and explaining on a resume' for a less than prestigious job, is not something to be ashamed of... And, it can help identify good points vs bad points with your husbands brain.  I hope I am making this clear...     Currently I am working 3 days per week in a challenging (for me) job which pays 1/10 of what I made before my accident.  Why?  To prove I CAN access some parts of my brain.  To prove that with coping strategies I am able to do a good job.  I was honest with my employers, and they know I am working hard...  

Your husband has been recovering since he was 12.  He was able to GET the jobs... something fell off after that-if you can identify that, you may be able to find a way to work around it.  

I also encourage you to have him try to do some volunteer work.  It will keep his skills in check, add some GOOD things to the resume' and give back to him in good feelings and ways.  I am glad he is getting some help with the Dept of Rehab.

Good luck!  Thoughts are with you.  Not a simple situation.

Wow, I wrote that over a year ago and just happened to come back here today and saw your response. Thank you for taking the time to write.  My husband's counselors (he has had a few) have narrowed it down to jobs that do not require many tasks nor multitasking or computer use. That is a bit limiting. He has been working part time as a courtesy clerk at a grocery store (bagging groceries, collecting carts, helping customers) and it has been working for him for 1 1/2 years. Problem is, he feels that it is so beneath him as he has gone to college and taught Jr. High special education students. However they would always let him go and no one could really pin point the problem.  Looking back he would forget things and they most likely thought he couldn't follow direction or just didn't care. We will never know as that was many years ago. He went to work for my brother who ended up being the one to point to his accident back when he was 12 as the cause. It's been quite a journey. Part of our problem has been that with his injury he can't see his disabilities and he has finally just now come around to see and believe it's related to his accident. His parents have been in denial and may finally be coming around. Again, quite the journey. As for volunteering, we are part of a great church and he has been calling and visiting people who are sick or in rest homes needing visitors and encouragement. That does help him to get the focus off of him self.  Thanks again for responding, hope you are doing well.  

BARB GEORGE said:

I am so sorry you have been struggling with this situation.  Nothing about the loss of a job is simple.  And the grief involved in something like a brain injury takes a lot of energy. Even delayed grief.  

Can you identify WHAT is happening when your husband is let go?  Employers are sometimes 'cagey' about this stuff, but can you figure out what the common denominator is? Employers are SUPPOSED to make reasonable concessions for employees with disabilities (but that can be 'masked' in many ways and isn't always the case).  My own husband was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome a number of years ago, which makes it very difficult to flip from client to client--that worked FINE early in his career--it fit the mold his employers wanted... but now, it is a hindrance  to the current workplace.  Obviously, he has had aspergers all of his life, but the 'coping skills' he had in place did not keep up with the current situation.  He was downsized 3 times.  He lost a job at the 30 year mark--same company.  Hurtful.  Painful.  And costly... 

My encouragement to you is this... sit down and be honest with your husband-not an easy task.  Line up what he is GREAT at, and things that are not so good.  Example:  My husband is in his own world.  Give him a task and the world falls away... he is ALL IN. That is great in a one project/job world, but take one thing out of the equation and he is toasted. Maybe it is time to step away from the CAREER and work something minimal.  Why?  There are MANY people out there who have had to take on 'less than' jobs.  Unemployment is a huge problem right now, and explaining on a resume' for a less than prestigious job, is not something to be ashamed of... And, it can help identify good points vs bad points with your husbands brain.  I hope I am making this clear...     Currently I am working 3 days per week in a challenging (for me) job which pays 1/10 of what I made before my accident.  Why?  To prove I CAN access some parts of my brain.  To prove that with coping strategies I am able to do a good job.  I was honest with my employers, and they know I am working hard...  

Your husband has been recovering since he was 12.  He was able to GET the jobs... something fell off after that-if you can identify that, you may be able to find a way to work around it.  

I also encourage you to have him try to do some volunteer work.  It will keep his skills in check, add some GOOD things to the resume' and give back to him in good feelings and ways.  I am glad he is getting some help with the Dept of Rehab.

Good luck!  Thoughts are with you.  Not a simple situation.

WOW, I am so glad for your response.  

It must be very hard for your husband to be bagging groceries... I can SO relate.  When I was a new mom, my (then) husband chose to go back to school.  I ended up cleaning 12 houses a week to keep him in school and a roof over our heads.  The 'plan' was he would have his 'turn' at an education and then it would be my turn.  Well, of course the marriage ended and it took me years to get a minimal degree of which my brain injury wiped out much of the knowledge (I have/had a design degree and have no spacial concepts any longer).  The world goes on that way unfortunately.  A lesson I learned, when I would get 'down' about being a 'maid' was that it was blessing each and every person I worked for.  My work allowed them to be better parents and teachers.  I was fortunate to to have wonderful clients.  If he can look at the work he is doing as a blessing, it can help.  

I am so glad you wrote me back.  My job has become very frustrating, as I am still making mistakes and they are not content with my progress.  One person is so hostile it makes me go cry in the restroom.  I may not last the year... I don't know.  Now, taking my own advice!  :)  

Give your husband my best, and thank you for being a good partner.  It helps a lot.  

Barb


Cheryl Miladin said:

Wow, I wrote that over a year ago and just happened to come back here today and saw your response. Thank you for taking the time to write.  My husband's counselors (he has had a few) have narrowed it down to jobs that do not require many tasks nor multitasking or computer use. That is a bit limiting. He has been working part time as a courtesy clerk at a grocery store (bagging groceries, collecting carts, helping customers) and it has been working for him for 1 1/2 years. Problem is, he feels that it is so beneath him as he has gone to college and taught Jr. High special education students. However they would always let him go and no one could really pin point the problem.  Looking back he would forget things and they most likely thought he couldn't follow direction or just didn't care. We will never know as that was many years ago. He went to work for my brother who ended up being the one to point to his accident back when he was 12 as the cause. It's been quite a journey. Part of our problem has been that with his injury he can't see his disabilities and he has finally just now come around to see and believe it's related to his accident. His parents have been in denial and may finally be coming around. Again, quite the journey. As for volunteering, we are part of a great church and he has been calling and visiting people who are sick or in rest homes needing visitors and encouragement. That does help him to get the focus off of him self.  Thanks again for responding, hope you are doing well.  

BARB GEORGE said:

I am so sorry you have been struggling with this situation.  Nothing about the loss of a job is simple.  And the grief involved in something like a brain injury takes a lot of energy. Even delayed grief.  

Can you identify WHAT is happening when your husband is let go?  Employers are sometimes 'cagey' about this stuff, but can you figure out what the common denominator is? Employers are SUPPOSED to make reasonable concessions for employees with disabilities (but that can be 'masked' in many ways and isn't always the case).  My own husband was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome a number of years ago, which makes it very difficult to flip from client to client--that worked FINE early in his career--it fit the mold his employers wanted... but now, it is a hindrance  to the current workplace.  Obviously, he has had aspergers all of his life, but the 'coping skills' he had in place did not keep up with the current situation.  He was downsized 3 times.  He lost a job at the 30 year mark--same company.  Hurtful.  Painful.  And costly... 

My encouragement to you is this... sit down and be honest with your husband-not an easy task.  Line up what he is GREAT at, and things that are not so good.  Example:  My husband is in his own world.  Give him a task and the world falls away... he is ALL IN. That is great in a one project/job world, but take one thing out of the equation and he is toasted. Maybe it is time to step away from the CAREER and work something minimal.  Why?  There are MANY people out there who have had to take on 'less than' jobs.  Unemployment is a huge problem right now, and explaining on a resume' for a less than prestigious job, is not something to be ashamed of... And, it can help identify good points vs bad points with your husbands brain.  I hope I am making this clear...     Currently I am working 3 days per week in a challenging (for me) job which pays 1/10 of what I made before my accident.  Why?  To prove I CAN access some parts of my brain.  To prove that with coping strategies I am able to do a good job.  I was honest with my employers, and they know I am working hard...  

Your husband has been recovering since he was 12.  He was able to GET the jobs... something fell off after that-if you can identify that, you may be able to find a way to work around it.  

I also encourage you to have him try to do some volunteer work.  It will keep his skills in check, add some GOOD things to the resume' and give back to him in good feelings and ways.  I am glad he is getting some help with the Dept of Rehab.

Good luck!  Thoughts are with you.  Not a simple situation.

Recall reading a book titled Living With Mysterious Epilepsy - My 48 Year Victory Over Fear by Ruth C. Adams, introduction by Walter C. Alvarez, M.D. (Alvarez is author of the Nerves in Collision book about the many non-convulsive epilepsies).  Adams was correctly diagnosed at age 48;  the epilepsy drug, Dilantin helped her a little.  In my own life, I was born with Inattentive ADHD which was a complication of a non-normal, three day birth delivery and delivery by forceps.  The side-effects of this was essentially downplayed by both my parents and I only began to seek answers when I encountered what I believed were subtle difficulties in high school, college, and in the work force (similar to your husband's).  Regarding sites which address the general idea of paying attention/sustained attention vs inattention, information processing/auditory processing, and memory, take a look at the ADHD Bulletin Board, a Yahoo group.  No, your husband is not the only person who discovered later in life that brain concussions have consequences.  Best wishes.  Good luck.

I"m similar to your husband i'm 30s now. I had my tbi some 25 + years. But i'm never married and i didn't just discover it i knew it all the time. I've never had a real job. i just had temps and they all fired me cause i can't talk like typical adults. and my parents also never let me tell people that i have disabilities cause they were in denial.

But it was stupid that i was looking in regular office jobs were they want otugoing and great talkers. Well i never even knew how to look for jobs and the temp agencies were stupid for not even finding out and also i was dumb for not telling. WEll yeah they(all the temp jobs) were not happy with me cause i didn't talk at all cause i can't talk like adults so i don't join in and the meetings and stuff. It was aweful for me, i dont understand anything.

So yeah, i'm jobless and i just got tested recently because my parents never took me to get tested or anything and they saw all my cognitive and spech problems. And i even have some seizures and my parnets never even cared. So yeah now i'm in disbility and i dont even know what i'm doing. and i am near homeles..

Many TBI people lose jobs and can't keep jobs. i read a thing about this. So, many end up homeless and stuff. I hope i dont end up homeless but i'm near it. That's why i'm trying hard to get help for housing

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