Well Here I am going on 4 years since my TBI, I tried dating about a year and a half ago, only to find out I have very poor judgment and dated someone who was very mean and cruel, I know that TBI effects folks in lots of different ways and it who we were, I have always been very giving and passive and always wanted to better the world.  Now more than ever I have the opportunity to better the world of TBI but so very much want someone to share this with, but I don't want someone who wants to control me nor do I want to control someone else s life,  So how do we find the right person, and see through the bull that so many people put out there and get stuck in a unhealthy relationship.

Anyone out there been successful in this, share how you navigate finding someone that is kind and giving with a good heart, and accepts us for who we are without wanting to save us or change us, I have no skill in this, where I used to be able to read people and see through there smoke screens.  I am going to find someone this summer to share life with but don't want to be tricked.

how do we get back into the realationship world, so we are not alone

Look forward to advise

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Hey Craig, you are so kind and nice, but you let people walk all over you sometimes, you need to find someone as kind and giving as yourself, which is tough because you have to be the most giving person I have ever met... good luck
Howdy Craig, I have to say I am surprised you struggle with this, I was at your DC concert and you had no problem working the crowd, what was there 20,000 people and in Olympia at the advocacy rally you seem so at ease with people, my advise is to just be you, you are one of the most incredible people I know and you know everyone, follow your heart it wont stir you wrong, and don't settle for anything less than what your heart tells you

your friend always
hi Craig i have no luck with woman either they seemed to come and go in my life so now i just try to egnor my urges for a woman I love them but if im with a woman i get hurt deeply when they dicide to end the relationship i just end up hurt and i dont like to buy problems either which is more problems to all of the diseases out their that i dont want to end up withi figure if its the right woman than it will be BUT i cant afford myself hardly so i can deffinatly support the woman in my life right now anyway but i figure if i get a women fine but if we dont end up being a team effort between us i dont want them im sick of being USED
Hello Craig,
reading all reply's below tell me that you will find a good kind person. But why "going to find someone this summer to share life with". Seems like a timetable to me. Being a 6 1/2 years survivor one of the most important things I know is there's not a timetable for recovery, so please don't think you have to find that woman in the next 5 months. Be yourself everyday and in every event you go to. That person will find you. A first date or meeting is not the "be all end all" thing that will tell you everything about anyone, which is why so many relationships fail... and it doesn't matter is one person is a survivor or not. I don't know if there's a thing as "love at first glance", so to discover that special woman you have to trust yourself and you have to know that "this summer" is not special or important at all. Good luck on your journey.
I am not putting a time line on anything I am just ready to start dating after almost 4 year finally just want to make a good choose
dating has sucked, what do you think about it, I know relationships are really hard for me
I have dated 2x since my TBI with 2 'I love you so much' women that came into my life and it sucked - I feel like 'I' end up being someone who is 'all or nothing' since my accident - Ive been told that, PRE-wreck, I would never date a person that... just HAD to be with the bass player... from the band I was in because I wanted to meet and share time with someone special that new nothing about me and wanted to spend time together 'learning' about each other - SO... for the first time in my life, I started dating quickly - I rushed into it

So I dated: 1 ex-girlfriend (that says she still loves me) and someone I had just met, though she said she usta know me - BOTH relationship ended with the women saying 'I never knew the affects of ur accident were so bad'... GRRR!!! and BOTH of them hurt when they said that and went away

Im at 3y 9m 13d since my TBI - Is this something that improves so that I can interact with a lady that I like and not be told that your accident has ruined you? Which is basically what they both said - My defense to all of it is that I now wear a wedding band I call a 'Blocker' - I no longer want to mess around with 'relationships' as opposed to maybe just having nice company for 1 nite - Which is hard because I have respected women thru-out my life WAY to much to think like that

Thanks for any advice/input/whatever any one may choose to share - Ill be grateful - Plus Im now 40 and would like company for the rest of my life vs. going at it alone
Cheers - cMorr
relationships are hard in general, add a tbi to the mix they suck
Greetings- I am 13 years post injury and just wish you a surprise in meeting the woman for your life. Several of TBIer's get that attitude you have recieved from your
dates every day from all kinds of the :"normal" people. I can only advise what we all decided. Love yourself for who you are now ,as time makes us into a "new you," I fought it as I liked the before accident me. So it is very hard. If you can get to that place where you are not insecure about your deficits which is difficult without self awareness , anyhow you can be happy in yourself and blow off those idiots you have dated. And be aware us tbi people sometimes are hard enough to be roomates due to our deficits so if being with a person with marriage or long term relationship is what you want think about a person who is a friend at first and get to know them well. So many things to be aware of and see how they react to your labilities and explain why . Many "normal" people get used to us as I figure I am a "normal" brain injury!! It will happen when you least expect it. And I do know how lonely it gets being alone-even in a group!I think there are some books about it out therer and at the Montana conference in Billilngs there was a talk on sex by a high -functioning brain injury who married one!!! So give yourself a big hug and let the ones who put you down go down the drain and be happy you found out ahead of time. Best of luck to you-do not hurry-you have a lot to give a special lady!

Chris Morriah said:
I have dated 2x since my TBI with 2 'I love you so much' women that came into my life and it sucked - I feel like 'I' end up being someone who is 'all or nothing' since my accident - Ive been told that, PRE-wreck, I would never date a person that... just HAD to be with the bass player... from the band I was in because I wanted to meet and share time with someone special that new nothing about me and wanted to spend time together 'learning' about each other - SO... for the first time in my life, I started dating quickly - I rushed into it

So I dated: 1 ex-girlfriend (that says she still loves me) and someone I had just met, though she said she usta know me - BOTH relationship ended with the women saying 'I never knew the affects of ur accident were so bad'... GRRR!!! and BOTH of them hurt when they said that and went away

Im at 3y 9m 13d since my TBI - Is this something that improves so that I can interact with a lady that I like and not be told that your accident has ruined you? Which is basically what they both said - My defense to all of it is that I now wear a wedding band I call a 'Blocker' - I no longer want to mess around with 'relationships' as opposed to maybe just having nice company for 1 nite - Which is hard because I have respected women thru-out my life WAY to much to think like that

Thanks for any advice/input/whatever any one may choose to share - Ill be grateful - Plus Im now 40 and would like company for the rest of my life vs. going at it alone
Cheers - cMorr
Hi Craig- I understand what you were saying. And it is difficult. The best person to understand is you . Wish you a wonderful surprize when it happens-just have a feeling
it will for you. and you deserve the best! I know you can be around tons of people but still feel lonely for that special one. Marylee Rush

Craig Sicilia said:
I am not putting a time line on anything I am just ready to start dating after almost 4 year finally just want to make a good choose
Craig, there are a bunch of good books out about dating. Quite a few of the books specifically deal with how to judge a person's true personality correctly. I just got a bunch out from the library and am beginning to look at them. My sister recommended these three:

Deal Breakers by Dr. Bethany Marshall
Dating Disasters and how to avoid them by Dr. Joy Browne
Getting Unstuck by Dr. Joy Browne

The books are all in one of two call numbers so you can just enter these in your library's catalog search and see what comes up: 646.77 and 306.73

One other book that may or may not be useful is Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Be sure to read the notes on terms used in the book because he explains why he uses the words he does. Chapter 5? or is it 8? is a very good chapter that tells a person what warning signs to be aware of when dating.

HTH
Hi-could I ask this as a personal note and not one for the "discussion"-I saw you answers about the book available for Craig. What a good idea. Could i ask how long its been since your injury and Just wanted to say those books sound interesting and
even tho I do not date wouldlike to get them for other reasons. It would help self awareness perhaps . Thanks much! Marylee

Emerson Browne said:
Craig, there are a bunch of good books out about dating. Quite a few of the books specifically deal with how to judge a person's true personality correctly. I just got a bunch out from the library and am beginning to look at them. My sister recommended these three:

Deal Breakers by Dr. Bethany Marshall
Dating Disasters and how to avoid them by Dr. Joy Browne
Getting Unstuck by Dr. Joy Browne

The books are all in one of two call numbers so you can just enter these in your library's catalog search and see what comes up: 646.77 and 306.73

One other book that may or may not be useful is Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Be sure to read the notes on terms used in the book because he explains why he uses the words he does. Chapter 5? or is it 8? is a very good chapter that tells a person what warning signs to be aware of when dating.

HTH

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