Compassion

[Nicolet Kuhn]

I would like to thank each one of you for what you and my husband have given to me....I know, you all may be going..."What the heck!  How can she thank me?  I have a TBI, that's not good."...but, in reality, for me it has been a positive in several areas of my life.  One very big positive for me was that through my husband's injury I learned true compassion for other human beings as well as, all living things.  I have always been a caring and very generous person to others; although I have to admit that my motives, although I thought they came from the right place, weren't really genuinely driven.  What I mean by that is; I used to go out and about giving to others because I thought that was what I HAD to do in life to be a good person, not because I truly wanted to do it.  Since my husband's injury - almost 20 years ago! - WOW!  How time flies!  I have learned what genuine empathy, compassion, loving and caring is really all about.  Now, I do it when I know it's absolutely from my heart and not everyone deserves it.  I have also learned that there is a lot of bad out there in the world.  Where once my eyes were shut, they are now wide open.  I have learned to openly love yet be cautious of my own survival and I have learned to protect my heart from being hurt.  I also learned that there are often times many people in our lives that we "think" care about us and will be there for us, when in fact, they aren't.  At least, they aren't when things are too difficult for them.  To these people, I feel sad...I feel they are shutting themselves off from some truly beautiful, loving, giving people in the world; who, often times through no fault of their own, have suffered a physical or mind altering event.  People fear what they don't understand and, TBI is a hard thing for the average person to understand.  Especially, if there is no apparent physical difficulty that can be observed by others.  This is the case of my husband.  He suffered a TBI of the front temperal lobe, hemangioma resulting - in addition, damage to the central portion of the brain as well.  If people sit and visit with him for short periods of time, they can't tell the difference.  They think he just has a cocky attitude at times and no difficulty whatsoever in speaking how he feels.  You see, in the words of Austin Powers - "No inner monologue...".  His thoughts just come out.  Sometimes they are most painful and sometimes they make me laugh and sometimes they are just thoughts...He is still a most beautiful human being, my soul-mate, since we were 16 years old!  I knew in the 7th grade he was the one.  No joke...I didn't even know who he was at that time, I had only seen him from a distance...He was not part of my social circle.  When I was in my Junior year in high school I asked him to go on a date and he said, yes.  We have been together ever since.  That was 1979!  I asked myself after his accident, if I met him at that point, would I still fall in love with him, and my answer was unequivocally, YES!  I hope everyone of you has a wonderful holiday, whatever that means for you..as we are ALL different; each one of us - whether we have suffered a TBI, some other incident, or not....We are all different and through diversity and adversity we learn, grow and mentor others.  Even if we don't realize it.  So, I am thanking you all.  For, you see, you have all mentored me and shown me love, understanding, caring, empathy and compassion and, in return you have taught me to grow and share with others.  KUDOS!

[Glen Brist]

Nicolet ~   Thank you,   very  well   said...  I  feel  the  same  way,, in  reverse  perhaps,  as  I  am  the  survivor,  not  the  care  giver,  but  it  has  helped  my   caring,  and   wanting  to   help .    We   do  learn,  grow  and  mentor  others.....    thanks  for  sharing,  glen

[Vicky Varichak]

So well said, you and your husband are both very lucky people.

[mary lutz]

Nicolet, what a beautiful post. You have said so much that rings so true. You show great strength, bravery and compassion. You are so insightful in your discovery of you intentions and your growth for it to all come from your heart. As long as I am learning something, I know Im still alive. Thanks for sharing.  Mary

[Michael R]

I couldn't read and retain everything you said..I can only process highlights when I read things, but what I got from you made me happy..I was just watching a video about a homeless kid in Korea..who was on a Talent show, and I started crying....It is hard for me to be emotional, except for anger, I like having other emotions...anyway, unless I read your post over and over I won't understand it all, but i get frustrated, so I just pick out highlights...your story made me happy!

[Nicolet Kuhn]

Michael,

I am glad that my post made you happy.  It is good when people feel happiness.  My husband is the same as you.  He mostly feels anger.  I can understand why you would both feel angry.  I have been angry since my husband's accident too but, I know it wasn't his fault so I cannot be angry at him.  I would be very angry like you and my husband had I been changed by an accident as well.  Try to remember that it is okay to be angry, it is not okay to inflict that anger onto others that don't deserve it and, never give up.  Please, don't ever give up on you because when you give up on you - you are letting yourself down and you don't deserve that.  I saw that you were a police officer before your accident.  You must be a good person to have picked that profession and wanted to help others to stay safe.  I thank you for that.  I have in the past been angry with police here in my state because of the prejudice that the police around me have shown because they think my family is another welfare case, when they don't know us.  We don't get welfare assistance.  We live on a fixed income from social security and I have recently started going to college at almost age 50.  I wish there were more people in the world who showed empathy toward others and were not fast to judge based on whether someone worked outside of the home or not.  I realize that not all police officers are this way and I wasn't always angry with them.  Maybe we can help each other to overcome the bad feelings we have and learn how to be happy again.  I am sending you a big sunshine and a hug.  Please, please never give up!

Nikki

[Rita]

All you need is love