I read a TBI survivor’s story this week, not on here, the story was about a fellow who was injured at work and ended up unable to return to work. His wife worked part-time and after his injury she went to work full-time. His wife had always been a bit jealous and controlling, but after her husband's TBI she became even more so. She controlled the income (including his disability income) and the automobile, and the phone etc. etc. Little by little she put barriers in the way of him having any life away from their home. It seems that because he had changed in many ways after the accident she became obsessed with the idea that he would someday abandon her. Whenever anyone outside of their immediate family reached out to him she made her husband very uncomfortable by criticizing his choice of friends - eventually he gave up trying to have any contacts outside. He stopped attending the support groups he had become a part of after his accident. He stopped answering letters, emails, and phone calls.
One day she came home to discover that she had been right all along, he did abandon her!- he took his own life.
If she had gotten help and someone had intervened on her abusive behavior - maybe she'd still have her best friend with her?
Here are the signs of an abusive relationship, if you see that you are experiencing any of these, seek help, you owe it to yourself and to your partner who may need some serious help themselves!
| SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP |
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Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings |
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior |
Do you:
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Does your partner:
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Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats |
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior |
Does your partner:
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Does your partner:
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Permalink Reply by mary lutz on April 26, 2012 at 12:12am Having any disability or having low self esteem for any reason will leave us much more vulnerable for abusive relationships and tolerating abusive behaviors in others. A very sad topic but also very real.
Since my tbi, I have been in 2 very abusive relationships, the last ended with the boyfriend being arrested with 3 loaded guns and 2 knives. I have not gotten into a relationship since and it has been 2 years. When we feel less than, it is no wonder that we become willing to accept less and the abuse can be very insidious. I have always been vulnerable to this and not because of brain injury, but I had learned to not take responsibility for others bad behavior. After tbi, its as though I have forgotten.
I am sorry to say they are all around me, from siblings, to children, to potential partners and friends. Its more on a continuim, not all or none. Thank you for this post as it is very valuable. The story hit the point right on.
Permalink Reply by Vicky Varichak on April 26, 2012 at 2:12pm Mary you have so much courage - I admire your insight!
I think that people who may have never had any history with abusive relationships certainly are more at risk if they have had a TBI. I wanted to share this because I don't think that some people realize that the "controlling" behavior can be just the "tip of the iceberg", and it can often, and does, get worse over time. Also I think that people who become "abusive" don't always realize that's what is happening. Anyone who has ever had any abuse, in any form, has the behavior imprinted and under the right circumstances could emerge as an abuser or become re-victimized. Knowledge can be power and reviewing those signs and symptoms might be all a person needs to interrupt the cycle before it goes too far.
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